I lost.

I have been going backwards for a about two months now maybe longer. The urges started a few weeks ago. They weren't that bad at first but as my moods got worse the urges got stronger. I fought as best as I could but it kept getting worse and harder to resist. I stopped thinking of the coping techniques my therapist taught me, I couldn't do it… its too hard. I kept thinking of what I know… what works. My moods are all over the place, I don't know how I will feel or act from one moment to the next. After about three months the urges won and I cut. I wasn't strong enough to stop it. I've been dealing with this off and on for so many years I just want it to end. It helps but its not the way to cope with things, I know this. The way I've been feeling I just feel too weak to resist, too weak to use healthier coping techniques. I hate feeling this way. I don't want the urges to continue to win. This really sucks!