I just want the pain to stop..

I'm kinda of falling apart right now.... Not doing very good.... In a lot of pain, crying,  and trying soooo hard not to hurt myself.. I want to cut, burn, anything.. I just want to feel better.. I want to feel nothing.. Honestly,  right now I'm soo close to seeing if I can find my dad's pistol, it's not even funny... I don't want to be alive.. I don't don't want to think, breathe, feel, live.. anything.. I just want it all to stop.. I'm nothing.. nothing but a worthless piece of crap... All I do is mess up.. I'm whiney, annoying, bitchy, selfish, lazy, pathetic and I shouldn't be here... I'm so ready to just let go... To stop trying so hard to fight this.. I keep trying to find all of these reasons to live.. but why? I'm everything I promised myself I wouldn't become... I'm just like my mom... Why bother living?? Why live if all I do is hurt and upset people? I'm done trying... I just want this pain to end.. I don't know how much longer I can do this... why should I?  People would be soo much better off without me.. especially my family.. I'm just considered the lazy, worthless,  naive, bitch of my family.. So what's the point? Why am I still here? Because a few people asked me not to hurt myself? I mean, maybe 1 or 2 of those people ever talk to me.. and hardly ever.. so why am I living a life I don't want to live, for people who I hardly even speak to..? 
God... I just want this to end... I just want this pain to stop.....