I hurt so bad. It seems like I can't go on like this anymore.

I hurt so bad.  It seems like I can't go on like this anymore.  I need something positive to happen to me in this life.  God allowed Smokey to be taken away for His own purposes.  It sucks to me.  God is  God.  Can anyone question God and what He allows happen to each and everyone of us.  I need some absolutely positive things to happen to me now in this life that God has allowed me to have so far.  Things could change.  It is when I am alone that I feel the intensity of the hurt in my body and soul.  I hurt so bad.  It is just not a saying or a song.  I have to go to an interview this afternoon so I hope as the morning wears away that I feel a lot better. I never heard any widow or widower talk about this at all in my life of 55 years.  I wish I heard more talk from widows and widowers growing up about their feelings and things.  It all sucks.  Are you feeling the hurt anymore and it seems that you can't go on anymore as well?  I would like to know.  Is it just me?  I don't talk about this to anyone because it is almost two years in November since Smokey died.  Most people think we should be over it by now.  Only those who have walked in our shoes understand.  I share all this with all my Daily Strength friends that I have met.  You are certainly all cherished by me.  You are one of my life savers.  Even I sometimes things I should be over it by now.  It is not the case.  When the love of  your life dies, it is hard to go on anymore and to feel happy again.  I have moments of happiness.  I think that is a good thing and treasure the moments when I feel happy.  It doesn't last but I know from all those who have shared their lives with us, that it will happen.  I am looking forward to the moment when I am happy most of the time or back to normal whatever that is for each of us.  It is an extremely hard road to walk on.  I would not want anyone else to go through what we have in the last few years.  We will heal and move forward.  The time is different for each of us.  I am hoping all this is true.  All the best from one who is walking in the same shoes as your are - Diane B.