I hurt so bad. It seems like I can't go on like this anymore.
I hurt so bad. It seems like I can't go on like this anymore. I need something positive to happen to me in this life. God allowed Smokey to be taken away for His own purposes. It sucks to me. God is God. Can anyone question God and what He allows happen to each and everyone of us. I need some absolutely positive things to happen to me now in this life that God has allowed me to have so far. Things could change. It is when I am alone that I feel the intensity of the hurt in my body and soul. I hurt so bad. It is just not a saying or a song. I have to go to an interview this afternoon so I hope as the morning wears away that I feel a lot better. I never heard any widow or widower talk about this at all in my life of 55 years. I wish I heard more talk from widows and widowers growing up about their feelings and things. It all sucks. Are you feeling the hurt anymore and it seems that you can't go on anymore as well? I would like to know. Is it just me? I don't talk about this to anyone because it is almost two years in November since Smokey died. Most people think we should be over it by now. Only those who have walked in our shoes understand. I share all this with all my Daily Strength friends that I have met. You are certainly all cherished by me. You are one of my life savers. Even I sometimes things I should be over it by now. It is not the case. When the love of your life dies, it is hard to go on anymore and to feel happy again. I have moments of happiness. I think that is a good thing and treasure the moments when I feel happy. It doesn't last but I know from all those who have shared their lives with us, that it will happen. I am looking forward to the moment when I am happy most of the time or back to normal whatever that is for each of us. It is an extremely hard road to walk on. I would not want anyone else to go through what we have in the last few years. We will heal and move forward. The time is different for each of us. I am hoping all this is true. All the best from one who is walking in the same shoes as your are - Diane B.
Replies
Dear Diane - This grief journey is individual, different for everyone. Grief takes as long as it takes and I don\'t believe that we ever \"get over it\" or \"get better\". I believe that we learn to live with the grief - we learn and live so that it doesn\'t consume us totally as it does on those first few months.
There are times when I feel as though I don\'t know how I will go on, and it\'s been 14 months, but those times are fewer than they originally were. It doesn\'t mean that I miss Mark any less or love him less - I miss him and love him more everyday, but I guess I\'ve learned to handle the loss in a better way.
Don\'t rush yourself - work through your grief - perhaps you haven\'t totally let yourself grieve for Smokey\'s loss. Sometimes when we\'re alone - that\'s the time when we can truly explore our feelings and emotions.
Good luck on your interview and I\'m sending you a hug for a peaceful day.
Chris
Diane,
For me, the loss and the grief and the sadness are always there......just under the surface. I don\'t cry like I did at the first and I don\'t talk about it that much with family any longer.........but my heart is still heavy with grief.....even though I smile and try to act like it is OK. I know I will never get over the loss of Jim in my life but I try to enjoy the moments of happiness when they come and I try to stay hopeful. Am I handling the grief as I should? I don\'t know......but I do know that I am doing the very best that I can and I am OK with my effort. Do I think it will be different in 10 or 20 years......not really.....but I will continue to move forward and continue to try....and that is all I can do.
Good luck on the interview and continue to do the best that you can.
Hugs, Dianne
I don\'t want you to take this the wrong way but........could you be feeling guilt for dating Dave so soon after Smokey left? Maybe in your heart you ae thinking Smokey may not approve? I don\'t know, just my thoughts. I am still missing my Beloved Pat, every single day. Did you ever get anti-depressants? Hugs, Wendy
I am so sorry for the hurt you are going through. I do not think there is a specific period of grief. I personally think that it has all to do with the relationship you had with your partner, and yours and Smokey\'s were special, hence that you still find it difficult to accept. I am here for you if you want to chat.
Hugs, Karen
I still feel the pain of loss and miss my husband especially when I see things that he enjoyed so much. The night time loneliness is still unbearable. Can\'t wait for daylight. I don\'t know when it subsides. I have been dealing with this for 3 years now. May God bless you and ease your pain. Barbara