I have to be better
I cant wish my exwife to have a bad life. I cant wish her harm. My sons still need her. She will pay for her mistakes like I will pay for mine. I just don't have to be apart of the solution. Her relationship with my sons is damaged and its up to her to fix.
The redirection of guilt that she used on me will not work on them. They have nothing to be ashamed or guilty of.
Although the future ahead is not what I want its mine. It may not be better but it is what it is. I cant change what has happened and nothing will make it better. Some day I hope to look back at the good times but right now I cant think of any.
If there is anyone that is just starting this journey all I can offer is this advice. You have heard it said before and I didn't believe it myself but you cant change someone. If they don't love you they wont. If they don't want you they don't. If they decided to cheat they decided. There is no turning back. This path is a one way street.
I guess I get to decide what kind of road that is. If I decide to do nothing then the road is going to be bumpy. If I decide to live and change then the road may still be bumpy but I get to choose the course.
I have let go of the thought that things will go back they way they are. They will not. I am determined to make a good home and life for my boys. I know I can do it. I have no doubt in that. Now making myself happy that's another thing altogether.
The redirection of guilt that she used on me will not work on them. They have nothing to be ashamed or guilty of.
Although the future ahead is not what I want its mine. It may not be better but it is what it is. I cant change what has happened and nothing will make it better. Some day I hope to look back at the good times but right now I cant think of any.
If there is anyone that is just starting this journey all I can offer is this advice. You have heard it said before and I didn't believe it myself but you cant change someone. If they don't love you they wont. If they don't want you they don't. If they decided to cheat they decided. There is no turning back. This path is a one way street.
I guess I get to decide what kind of road that is. If I decide to do nothing then the road is going to be bumpy. If I decide to live and change then the road may still be bumpy but I get to choose the course.
I have let go of the thought that things will go back they way they are. They will not. I am determined to make a good home and life for my boys. I know I can do it. I have no doubt in that. Now making myself happy that's another thing altogether.
Replies
This is a really good journal entry! Return to this one in the days ahead when things feel worse. It\'s such a rollercoaster ride.
The days ahead will be bumpy - huge changes pretty much ensure it. But you are totally correct that now you have the power to steer how it goes. And I will also say, being a few months in, that you can\'t be too hard on yourself for your failings along the way. It is HARD to adjust to this new life!!
There are plenty of times when I know what I *should* be doing (going out, finding new activities/people, etc), but I just can\'t motivate to do it. It takes time. Sometimes I do alright. Other times, not so much. It seems to be a long slow road, even if you try to attack it early like I did. I\'m still failing in some ways, succeeding in others, and finding that progress is slow.
You will eventually find a new state of contentedness. And maybe even, somewhere down the road, blissful happiness. But in either case it\'s going to be better than today! That much I can pretty much guarantee. Just hang on for now.