I HAVE RECIEVED MY FIRST SUPPORT PAYMENT!

i do not regret paying myself.  The outcome was positive.  I feel less stressed.  I'll be able 2 pay my bills and that's all i wanted.  The next step for me is to release the anger that my stbx did not give it 2 me; that i had 2 take it. 
makes sense 2 let it go.  i have what i wanted so y be angry.
Just watched the Today show.  A couple talked about their infidelity.  The guy sd that his marriage had nothing 2 do with his choice 2 be unfaithful; he had some internal stressors and the ow was a distraction from those things and then he got emotionally involved and that was a bigger problem. 
he chose to work on himself and his wife stayed and after years of him doing the work 2 win her back they were able to reconcile.
that makes marriage in general a more hopeful involvement for me.  i do understand that these things did not happen in my current marriage.  my stbx does not desire 2 reconcile and im not even sure if he's willing to work on himself.  he went 2 dif counselors over the years, but from the outside it does not seem much change has happened.
i still hear him blaming everything else and not accepting his life; still reaching for a life that is unrealistic.
im slowly and steadily moving on.  im very grateful for this time of transition.  everything is not perfect but it is pretty peaceful and thats a blessing.