I have no idea where to start
I have no idea where to start as this all stems from childhood. My brother and sister were always mean to me and got me into trouble for things I didn't even do. Mom was distant from me only really appearing to yell at me for something I didn't do on account of my brother and or sister, mom would even give me the strap for these things. Dad was a truck driver so wasn't around much. I spent a lot of time with him when he was home. I always felt I had to get away from mom, my brother and sister. I felt like I had to fend for myself. When both mom and dad were on the road the cruelty of my brother and sister was worse, it involved physical harm, hitting, biting, kicking and pulling hair so I had to defend myself the only way I could at the time which was out of complete rage. It didn't help matters that I was also being molested by my mother's step dad at the time which lasted a few yrs, but when I came forward with that at the age of 14, my dad was my only support! Mom and the others didn't believe me and said if I would have gotten pregnant they'd have made me keep the baby!!! They still refuse to admit they ever said that to this day and twist the real events of the past. I went through a lot of trauma in my family. Dad was always there for me and would ask me what was wrong but I always said nothing, so he was there but unable to help me. What did I ever do to deserve a family that hated me so much? I don't understand. Dad was my primary care giver at birth But ever since I was around 9 things just began falling apart and have continued to fall apart. I have never really been happy. There are many other things and events but this was the beginning of everything for me. I feel like an orphan and only want understanding as to the constant depressions and why my family has destroyed so much over the yrs. I do have other health problems but I don't really want to leave my house anymore. At times I really want to just disappear of the face of the planet.
Replies
I understand the wanting to disappear part. And I understand not wanting to leave the house.
It is difficult to be honest, especially when the people that want to help us are not often around. Plus with you receiving negative feedback from your Mom when you came forward has possibly made it harder for you to trust people.
Our childhoods can affect us a lot, even into adulthood. I am sorry that your relationship with your family was, and has continued to be, such a source of stress for you. Do you still have contact with these people?
Are you on any medications? Or would you consider trying some? Perhaps therapy would also be a good source of help and support for you
Starting to open up is difficult and sometimes it can feel as though all we do is go around in circles with the past and the present intertwined, but the past and the present will not always be all consuming.
You can have a future where you are happy, and hopefully, with the support of the people here on DS you will find that you can start to lay some of the demons from the past to rest
You can message me any time you need to. Start talking wherever you feel like and keep going, even if it doesn\'t always make sense, it\'s important to talk :)
*monkey hugs*
Thank-you so much for the kind words and support! I am so tired rt now that I think I will get some sleep. I see the doc tomorrow.