I have met the enemy...
I've finally moved my mood back to the green zone. Although I'm on the lower end of "good", good seems to be where I am. I am, at least, as good as I can be considering the longterm sense of futile hopelessness that seems to be a semi-permanent part of my psyke now. My wife is still being my wife. My job is still on the edge of doom. I have recoveered from whatever it was I need recovering from last week and I don't feel quite so nauseous. I'm sleepy and I have a headache. Last night I had a dream that I was Batman and I discovered that I was my own nemesis--that is to say, another part of my personality was set out to destroy / kill me. I woke up thinking, "wow, what a great idea for a book!" Upon further reflection, it makes me wonder what the dream was saying to me. Is there really a part of me that is setting myself up to fail? Looking at my life, and can only say, "Of course, you doof! How much more obvious can it be?" So I have met the enemy, and he is me. So, with this kind of battle, to I declare war against the agressor or try to find ground for understanding. I'm leaning toward the war side, personally. I'm trying to take out an enemy as clever as I am. Something about my primal manhood that wants to defeat those that are trying to make me miserable. So, anyway, I still have battle plans to draw up. Further updates will follow.
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I am glad you are on the green side even if it is on the lower side. I think we are always constantly battling ourselves - that to me almost sums up depression. I hope you find success with your battle plan. Just remember you also have an army of friends here if you need help with that battle! Hugs!
Is this really about fighting? Maybe your dream is trying to tell you that you\'ve been fighting against something about yourself for so long that it wants peace.
The person you are - or should be - is waging battle against the person you THINK you should be.
Swear, darlin\' - you need to incorporate the concept of your Basic Human Rights into the very core of your being - not just accept it as an intellectual concept.
Once you know beyond a shadow of doubt that you have the right and the obligation to put your basic needs 1st, and that your Basic Human Rights take precedence over the Basic Human Rights of all others (as long as you are not taking away their rights via manipulation, etc.), the battle is all but won.
Then, determine what boundaries you must set to protect youself. Finally, you must learn to be aware and alert when your boundaries are being breached so you can take immediate action to ward off the invader(s).
With that, the the battle is won. You will be the person in control of you and your life. You will be who you were always meant to be.
So - take that first step: Believe that you have the exact same Basic Human Rights we all have!
AHHHHH,You have met your inner troll. Kill it. Love you. Michele. Hugs and miss you baby.
Excellent job identifying your obstacle! Maybe a short draft of your book would give you more insights - and even better, maybe you could get it printed?