I have a Pysc Dr
I needed to update my journal of the "good" things that is happening in my life. Well, well I am seeing a Dr., a psychologist his name is Dr. N( for here) and he is okay. He is a little kooky, but he seems to understand what I am dealing with. I was just about to quit him because of his strangeness, but I need someone to talk to and he is doing okay(for now).
We discuss all that I discuss here about my the recent ONGOING DEATH IN MY FAMILY. However, I think that I'm holding back my feelings or trying to be something that I am not. For ex. I told him that I lay in my bed a lot and when he questioned it... I made it seem like it was okay. Idk, I am depressed and sad and grieving my losses, but I don't want to seem like a flop. The bed thing is something that I have been doing since my divorce in 2008, it is a coping mechanism that I have not changed and I am not sure if I want to or need to, but I felt the need to defend my bed "thing".
Long story short and the truth of the matter...
I'm lonely, sad, tired, depressed and not full of life like I put on, I am bored and I am not living my life to the fullest AND IDK WHY!!! I seem to stop doing things and then life just started happening around me to a point that I could not control it anymore. I don't make changes, I just talk about them, I want to change but I don't have the energy to do anything. what is wrong with me?
I need to be more social, but I do not make the effort. I want a man but I don't go where they are or could be. I want to be more active but I'm tired or too lazy to move. AND THESE ARE NOT EXCUSES.... JUST WHAT IT IS!!
something is wrong with this picture. and idk what it is!! I'm hoping to deal with these issues with Dr. N.
OAN: Tyisha is leaving C&D in Princeton and going to Ewing, so what... I don't think I like her. She is phony or she wants me to be phony, if I'm sad and unhappy.... I cannot fake happiness. I am happy for her but I don't want to talk or be bother. Im dealing with my own shit.
Also, I think my Best Friend is going through something with her young azz boyfriend, Effin' Teenager, lol. Smh, we are 40 years old, why would we date someone that we have to build ALL the way up is beyond my comprehension. BUT I would never express my feelings with her because I am single and my comments would be seen as jealousy. So I sit and listen to the rubbish, Smh. She could really be the shit with the right person, she has a lot going for her and a real good head on here shoulders.
And I might as well talk about Towanna, I don't like her no more, period. She's loud, she thinks she knows everything and everyone else is lying, idk. I don't think I ever cared for her, I just latched on to her because she was a woman, black and work in my department.
One more, because this made me wig out the other day. My manager, does not notice me until it is evaluation time and he is not giving me good scores to meet some sort of quota. So... I think Im ready to leave. Im getting my resume professionally done and hopes this helps my job search.
We discuss all that I discuss here about my the recent ONGOING DEATH IN MY FAMILY. However, I think that I'm holding back my feelings or trying to be something that I am not. For ex. I told him that I lay in my bed a lot and when he questioned it... I made it seem like it was okay. Idk, I am depressed and sad and grieving my losses, but I don't want to seem like a flop. The bed thing is something that I have been doing since my divorce in 2008, it is a coping mechanism that I have not changed and I am not sure if I want to or need to, but I felt the need to defend my bed "thing".
Long story short and the truth of the matter...
I'm lonely, sad, tired, depressed and not full of life like I put on, I am bored and I am not living my life to the fullest AND IDK WHY!!! I seem to stop doing things and then life just started happening around me to a point that I could not control it anymore. I don't make changes, I just talk about them, I want to change but I don't have the energy to do anything. what is wrong with me?
I need to be more social, but I do not make the effort. I want a man but I don't go where they are or could be. I want to be more active but I'm tired or too lazy to move. AND THESE ARE NOT EXCUSES.... JUST WHAT IT IS!!
something is wrong with this picture. and idk what it is!! I'm hoping to deal with these issues with Dr. N.
OAN: Tyisha is leaving C&D in Princeton and going to Ewing, so what... I don't think I like her. She is phony or she wants me to be phony, if I'm sad and unhappy.... I cannot fake happiness. I am happy for her but I don't want to talk or be bother. Im dealing with my own shit.
Also, I think my Best Friend is going through something with her young azz boyfriend, Effin' Teenager, lol. Smh, we are 40 years old, why would we date someone that we have to build ALL the way up is beyond my comprehension. BUT I would never express my feelings with her because I am single and my comments would be seen as jealousy. So I sit and listen to the rubbish, Smh. She could really be the shit with the right person, she has a lot going for her and a real good head on here shoulders.
And I might as well talk about Towanna, I don't like her no more, period. She's loud, she thinks she knows everything and everyone else is lying, idk. I don't think I ever cared for her, I just latched on to her because she was a woman, black and work in my department.
One more, because this made me wig out the other day. My manager, does not notice me until it is evaluation time and he is not giving me good scores to meet some sort of quota. So... I think Im ready to leave. Im getting my resume professionally done and hopes this helps my job search.
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