I hate you Isaac

I spoke to that peice of shit today and he told me he knows that the baby is not his.  I told him "Fuck you Isaac! Fuck you!"  and hung up.  Now i'm going crazy cuz he hasn't called back.  What a young strapping lad he is, he doesn't have his phone hooked up and he uses his mom's phone or a pay phone.  I've been driving his family crazy, and his mom and i have NEVER been close and we're talking a lot.  I just got off the phone with his Aunt and she made me feel better.  She said not to worry about him, that they'll take care of him.  I guess his mom told him not to call me if he's going to upset me.  Trish told me to just worry about the baby and i.  I've been bleeding lightly today, i don't know if it's stress  because of him.  It got worse after i spoke to him, and i'm really watching it.  The blood is kinda brownish, and i saw a clot in the toilet when i went to the bathroom earlier.  I hate that boy so much right now.  If he has nothing to do with the baby, we'll be ok, we don't need him.  If he's a boy i'll do the best i can to raise him w/o a father.  I just need to calm down and not worry about that asshole.  I've been cramping a lot too.  Like menstrual cramps, but a little worse.  My dog has been so supportive.  lol She won't leave me alone, she even follows me to the bathroom and i have to shut the door for privacy cuz i've been so irritable.  There was a time i was telling her to be quiet cuz she was licking her paws so much.  Poor baby, has to but up with a bitchy pregnant mother! My sis and neice know they've been real supportive too.  I just don't want to tell my parents until i move which needs to be super soon, cuz i don't want to start showing while i'm at home.  My transfer should be going through any day now i hope.  I even told my boss, because we tend to butt heads a lot, and i don't want to do that while i'm pregnant.  My neice even wants to tell them for me!  I might take her up on that.  If i want everyone to know all i've got to do is tell my bigmouth nephew who can't keep a secret to save his life.  That's what my neice did when she was pregnant.  She told him, her brother and everyone found out!  I don't trust telling him yet.  I need to be out of the county first.  I have so much on my mind right now i don't know when i'll shut up.  I have a headache too.  I hate Isaac so much.  Heather, my neice does too.  The better guy Aaron has been calling me too, and he has no clue i've cheated on him, but i haven't seen him in over a year.  He's in California.  Aaron makes me laugh, we're so playful with each other, and he has two kids of his own, that are 9 and 11.  He has his problems too, but i don't think he'd love me anymore after this.  I didn't love Johnny after he did the exact same thing to me.  I left asap.  I still care for him don't get me wrong, but i'll never have that spark for him that i used to.  That was the worst thing he ever could have done to me, so why would it be different with Aaron?  I never thought i'd be a mom, i never thought i was able to reproduce.  I always thought i was sterile.  This is definitely a good thing because i will always have my child that will love me unconditonally.  I really want a girl because i want to treat her better emotionally than my mom has treated my sister and i.  Examples of my mom being a bitch is telling us we're fat, worthless, whores, would never be a good mother, and will never amount to anything.  She's completely and OCD freak, she loves to torture us, because she's in control.  Now that we're older she's NOT in control.  We live our own lives even if we haven't made the right choices.  We're not perfect and neither is she.  She's made mistakes just like us.  I'm just trying to keep myself together and remain strong for myself and my precious, innocent, baby who i love dearly.  I can't wait to see it smiling and cooing, laughing and giggling.  I will love my baby so much, i'll prove my mom wrong.  Now to leave on a good note!  Dear God, please give me the strength to make it through this prenancy regardless of whom's support i have.  Please help me accept your will, please protect my child.  Thank you for everything you've done for me.  I love you so much, and thank you for allowing me to have a child of my own.  I will treat the child you give me to the best of my ability.  I love you Heavenly Father.  Amen. Love, JCN