I Hate knowing
It just came to my realization that I am those other personalities sharing this body. I am so angry and overwhelmed because all their abuses are actually mine. We are all in shock and have no idea what to do how to act and we are grieving our existance. I was managing my life well with the help of my alters, but now we are so confused we do not know who's in charge and how to communicate. To think that I am not real hurts I feel abandoned again. I do not like living this way. Whydoes my life have to be so complicated! I pray every night that God would take me in my sleep. Sometimes I even take more pills than I'm supposed to. I used to be a really funny person. I have no joy left. Some times I feel so bad writing an open journal ...who wants to read such pittiful hopeless words? Nobody really we are looking for that majical joy ride.WELL IT DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS F...EN WORLD! I HATE HAPPY PEOPLE!
Replies
I don\'t claim to fully understand everything you are going through, but I know I care enough to respond. I too have wanted to die for years due to my mental illness and I too felt no one cared. I believe there is hope for all of us, whatever normal people might think or how they might misunderstand us. I hope that someday you will get your joy and hope back. Until then I am just a message or hug away.
hugs to you steve thanks for your prayers!