I hate holidays
So, another sad holiday. I know I should have absolutely NO expectations of my adult daughters, but I always think I'll hear from them on holidays and my birthday. HA! On my birthday, I got a text from my youngest, texts the day AFTER from my older 2, and never heard from DD27.
So, Easter rolls around and dh and I went to HIS family (the only one I have) and had a nice weekend, but, silly me...I thought I'd hear from my daughters. Disappointment once again. I group texted them "Have a very blessed Easter!" and only got a "Happy Easter!" text from DD31. Nothing from the other 3. geez
I ALWAYS have called my parents on their birthdays and holidays and sent them an anniversary card. I just don't "get" my kids...AT ALL. I always made a big deal on their birthdays and now, as adults, they seem to care less about anything like that. I just don't get it. I did let DD29 (who seems to understand my feelings more than the others) that I was sad on my birthday not hearing from 3 of my kids. Two of my siblings called me AND my parents, but none of my kids. She told me she had gone into the city the day of my birthday and forgot her phone. Whatever. I NEVER forgot to call my parents on their birthdays.
One of my SILs asked me what my girls were doing yesterday and when I said, "I have no idea." I could see the sad look on her face. Dh's family is VERY close and loving. 6 of his young adult nieces and nephews are all VERY close to their parents and all it did was make me sad. It's been 8 years since the divorce and it's been difficult ever since. I know had the divorce never happened, I'd have closer relationships with my daughters. I have to always be mindful of what I say in front of them as if I HAVE no feelings. They slight me every holiday in favor of their father and his extended family and I'm left home in tears feeling sad and alone. Of course I have dh and, of course, HIS adult sons are ALWAYS at our house (since they HAVE nowhere else to go), but I'm not a fan of my stepsons, so it makes it even worse.
I've just come to hate holidays and keep my mouth shut. I've started journaling on here instead of venting my sadness to dh as he already finds my children disrespectful and isn't a fan. Anything more I would say would only make things worse between him and them.
THEN, today, I ask DD23 (who lives with her father) over for dinner today and she said, "maybe another night." Tonight's not good for me. Whatever. I had told her last week to let me know if she wanted to do anything Thursday or Friday. Never heard from her. I'm not gonna try again. If she wants to see me, she knows my number. Same with DD27 who I texted that I had Friday off and did she want to do anything. No response.
Not sure why I bothered ever having children.
So, Easter rolls around and dh and I went to HIS family (the only one I have) and had a nice weekend, but, silly me...I thought I'd hear from my daughters. Disappointment once again. I group texted them "Have a very blessed Easter!" and only got a "Happy Easter!" text from DD31. Nothing from the other 3. geez
I ALWAYS have called my parents on their birthdays and holidays and sent them an anniversary card. I just don't "get" my kids...AT ALL. I always made a big deal on their birthdays and now, as adults, they seem to care less about anything like that. I just don't get it. I did let DD29 (who seems to understand my feelings more than the others) that I was sad on my birthday not hearing from 3 of my kids. Two of my siblings called me AND my parents, but none of my kids. She told me she had gone into the city the day of my birthday and forgot her phone. Whatever. I NEVER forgot to call my parents on their birthdays.
One of my SILs asked me what my girls were doing yesterday and when I said, "I have no idea." I could see the sad look on her face. Dh's family is VERY close and loving. 6 of his young adult nieces and nephews are all VERY close to their parents and all it did was make me sad. It's been 8 years since the divorce and it's been difficult ever since. I know had the divorce never happened, I'd have closer relationships with my daughters. I have to always be mindful of what I say in front of them as if I HAVE no feelings. They slight me every holiday in favor of their father and his extended family and I'm left home in tears feeling sad and alone. Of course I have dh and, of course, HIS adult sons are ALWAYS at our house (since they HAVE nowhere else to go), but I'm not a fan of my stepsons, so it makes it even worse.
I've just come to hate holidays and keep my mouth shut. I've started journaling on here instead of venting my sadness to dh as he already finds my children disrespectful and isn't a fan. Anything more I would say would only make things worse between him and them.
THEN, today, I ask DD23 (who lives with her father) over for dinner today and she said, "maybe another night." Tonight's not good for me. Whatever. I had told her last week to let me know if she wanted to do anything Thursday or Friday. Never heard from her. I'm not gonna try again. If she wants to see me, she knows my number. Same with DD27 who I texted that I had Friday off and did she want to do anything. No response.
Not sure why I bothered ever having children.
Replies
I sure know how you feel. Holidays are the worst because of the memories. Very sticky. So much determination seems required. It\'s all I can do, it seems. Hugs.
I\'m so sorry that you are going through this. I feel so bad for you. Xxoo
Thanks, my friends. You\'re all I have to turn to in regards to this. Noone in my real life understands what my life is like, so can\'t talk to my IRL friends and can\'t tell dh my feelings anymore for the reason I stated above. Anyway, thanks so much for the hugs and I hope you both had a wonderful Easter Day. God bless!
Holidays are the saddest times for us in estrangement, and we hope and hen we suffer from dashed hopes--and we do it to ourselves over and over-I guess we cannot quite believe..,.
I am thinking that if you get on well with your DH\'s family, that might be a nice second chance family---people to spend time with and confide in....maybe an EC or two of yours could join that family for something and see what respect and affection look like.
At any rate, I am glad you come here to journal....feel free to contact any of us if you need to write, talk or just rant.
I\'m sorry for your disappointment, I can\'t imagine not having my kids contact me OR respond to a text. Shame on them. I know my sister feels like you do and I tell her \"all you can do is try\", all you can do is continue to \"invite\" and you have to accept their response and don\'t make them feel guilty about not being available. I tell my sister that they are young adults, have busy lives and more interested in friends right now then family, don\'t take it personally. Of course she does and she stews about it and gets herself worked up. I tell her, call, text or whatever and then let it go.
If you want a relationship with your kids or anyone for that matter, and if you have to be the one to reach out, so be it. It doesn\'t hurt anything by being the one to reach out. In my humble opinion, just keep doing what you\'re doing, BUT don\'t expect anything in return, that way you won\'t be disappointed when they don\'t respond. Be the bigger person and reach out, invite them over, just stay in limited contact (don\'t go overboard with your contact) I think eventually they will come around and the only way they will is if they feel you are genuine and don\'t put any expectations on them. I know it\'s painful but continue reaching out if you really want a relationship with them. It has been some time since your divorce so I\'m a bit surprised that your daughters are still cold towards you, I don\'t understand families that do that. Anyway, it\'s your choice whether to reach out or not. Go with your gut feelings. Sending you hugs, I\'m so sorry you are sad.
PS: I\'d like to throttle your girls by the way, just saying :)
Thanks everyone...and as for throttling my girls...stand in line yougospam. My dh would LOVE to, but I refrain him. Of course I\'ve wanted to throttle his druggy sons too many times to count, but, you know, we stepparents have to refrain or get in trouble with our spouse. My girls know when dh isn\'t happy with them after they\'ve hurt me just by his silence. That\'s what makes them uncomfortable around him. Too bad. They also know I haven\'t stood up for them to dh which they find totally \"f-upped\" (their language).
Honestly, I do not understand this generation of young adults...choosing when to respond to their parents and being so disrespectful. I wonder what the heck did our generation DO to have created such unappreciative and inconsiderate adults? Oh...THAT\'S right...I let my kids know how special and loved they were and expected nothing in return. My fault apparently.
Yes...I\'m doing just that...constantly being the one to reach out and not expecting anything in return, but it\'s not easy. Rejection sucks. Even my DD31 never contacted me to thank me for her birthday card and money last month. A 31 year old! geez The only way I knew she\'d gotten it was because I went online to my account and saw she\'d cashed the check. Whatever.
Wow...I am sorry for your daughters behavior. As you said, I also do not understand this generation of young adults. Although I do have an 18 1/2 year old daughter who seems to have skipped over this attitude (so far anyway), my son, who is turning 17, is the perfect example of the problem with this sense of entitlement.
I do hope that they come around and realize that they only have one mother who loves them beyond all else.