I hate days like this

Didn't sleep well last night. Had trouble falling asleep, then had a dream about him and woke up with a lump in my chest. Didn't get back to sleep for a long time. Saw my dr. today and told her about everything going on--she increased my anti-depressant and gave me 2 refills on my clonazepam. May take one of those before bed--I was running low so I was only taking them when I felt I really, really needed to. 

I've just been having little crying jags all day. And when I try to relax things just keep flitting into my head. Been trying to distract myself--that's not happening.

Took a walk in the cemetary before. Not as morbid as it sounds--there's a really nice one near me that's more like a park. Shady, with a stream and a duck pond, and lots of thoughtfully placed benches. When I was on one of my suicide note writing kicks I asked that I be creamated and my ashes put in one of the vaults overlooking the stream. 

The new clock arrived today to fill in the empty spot over the tv. We had a nice clock there, that we picked out together. I gave that to one of my neighbors who had admired it. The empty space on the wall is filled now. If only the empty space in me could be...