I guess I can't feel an ordered sense of self all the time
but I can keep my eye on the main goals... of work...of taking care of life....
of responsibilities
---
I'm thinking about the subject of "Vulnerability"
and how people handle it...how I handle it too..
I was thinking about how here at the monastery - how
we come together - and there is a very gentle
boundary we approach.
then i spoke to my sister Anne on the phone
and after we spoke I feared I was not considerate enough
with her
I thought about the church and how it's kind of a distillation
of human hierarchies and considerations
I thought about how the hierarchies in my family were very hard
to negotiate - and how they affect us -
I am thinking specifically how we never know how we will relate
with each other - but the vulnerability is there.
I am starting to feel connected with some of the sisters -
though I am variable - I feel with the current thoughts for the day
that I am stable enough to feel like I can connect with a few
reliably - despite my stumbling blocks
I'm trying be strong enough to carry through
with my life independently in a strong way -
owning my individual trajectory - though realizing
I am not 'alone' but dealing with the shock and trauma
I am not 'alone' but dealing with the shock and trauma
of all the newness too.
I won't go there - this last part is just to tell you what I am thinking
about as well -
----
go go go..
Replies
Sounds like you are pushing yourself in a good direction. Connections help the evolution happening and your ability to question reality
thanks ccleaver!
did you know that an airplane's autopilot is only on course about 5% of the time? it spends 95% of its time course correcting and somehow manages to arrive at its destination. the plane you flew coast to coast on spent around 98% of your flight on autopilot and yet you arrived safe and sound.
mas o menos sirve bien, markus questionarius. precision is overrated. i know i've been more tolerant of life, in general, since i started cutting my drive for an orderly self down to size. i'm still a control freak, but? ? ? ply therapy tools here.
Thanks Arfie!!