I got Ghosted....
Someone I knew for many, many years, since I was a teenager, has ghosted me.
Judy and I been talking, on the phone, on and off, for years, and I used to meet up with her a couple of times a year, usually we met in the City, she doesn'nt live near me. Still, we kept a friendship going, mostly on my part, as she was a little difficult to deal with sometimes. Sometimes I wonder how the heck I put up with her for so long.
Anyways, since last year, she stopped calling me. I left her several phone AND text AND email messages, asking her what was wrong, and that it would be a shame to let it all go since I've known her for so long (at least 50 years). No response from any of my messages.
So she texted me last week. I waited a few days to answer, my answer was "Judy, I left you several messages, no response. I don't understand. Your Hurt my feelings". She answers back: "Sorry I guess we got lost in Cyberspace"---BULLSHIT. I left her phone messages too. So I told her I left her phone messages too. Her answer: "Hope you are okay". WHAT kind of an answer was that? Is she dismissing me or just keeping me at a distance? I don't like this. I hope she doesn't try to contact me again. I was just starting to finally forget about her.
To make matters worse, I felt that it was ME who was keeping up the friendship as she was difficult, and then this girl goes and dumps ME!!! Why are people so mean? Worst part is I have no idea why she's doing this. No apology, no explanation.
Replies
Hi Maria!
You said she was a difficult person and it seems like you're the one who has had to keep the friendship afloat. It hurts to be ignored, especially when you tried to reach out to her in several ways. However let me give you some perspective.
Sometimes you never know what others are going thru - periods of anxiety, depression, isolation, a breakup, stress from work or family.... You just don't know. Whatever reason, it might be difficult to share with you. Nobody wants to say...I ignored you b/c I was feeling shitty about myself and decided I needed to isolate for awhile and not socialize. How easy is that to say? Not really.
I had a similar experience with a friend and instead of getting angry at her...I just made my communication attempts. When I didn't hear back...I did freak out a little...but I gave it a bit more time and she eventually responded in kind. She told me she was going thru a depressive episode, we chatted about it, and now we are even closer.
Our anxiety creates drama where sometimes there isn't any. Like she didn't answer...b/c she hates me, something wrong with me, or I did something to make her mad. But most of the time it's b/c of something the other person is going thru.
If this friendship means something to you, put down your anger and sword lol...and try to hear her out. If what she has to say doesn't mesh well with you...then you have every right to end the friendship.
Friends are suppose to support us, bring us up...and if she was never of that kind before...you need to reevaluate that as well.
Sending you light and love!
If the friendship means something to you, I would fight for it. Relationships tend to change over time and sometimes friendships just run their course. It sucks to lose that. I know the feeling of trying to salvage a friendship when the other person isn't working on it too. Hugs my friend.
I agree with Lavendar 100%. When someone is depressed sometimes they just cannot respond. So really it’s not you, it’s her (maybe)..
If you want to keep up the friendship just keep trying to reach her now and then, Lavender is right, I have a friend who will just ignore me if she is in a depression, she doesn't want to talk to anyone. It all depends on how important the friendship is. I know it sucks to loose people in our lives, especially at our age but if she doesn't want the friendship it may not be worth the trouble, only you can decide what you want to do...sending hugs to you my friend
hi M,
i get Lavendar80. sometimes people get too overwhelmed or too ill to reply. or they get better & just move on. hugs.
I’m sorry this happened to you. She sounds like one of those lazy friends, letting you do all the work to stay in touch. Then she went off the radar. The fact that it took her that long to respond just to say lost in cyber space shows this might be a case where it’s better to let her go rather than expend your energy keeping a fragile link of contact. You’ve made the effort, tried to stay in touch. She has to try too. You could try asking her what’s been going on, maybe you’ll work out if she’s being funny with you, or if she’s actually going through a rough patch.
You started to get used to not hearing from her so don’t let this set you back. It’s NOT you ok? It’s HER bad behaviour. I hope you’re not too hurt. Just keep being the great person you are.
Much love my friend ❤️