I go nuts from time to time even with Smokey

I go nuts from time to time even with Smokey.  Over the course of ten years, I almost threw out the relationship with Smokey many times over in my head.  In reality, I never did any of that and it was the most stupidest thing that I got mad at in the first place.  I never uttered anything out loud to Smokey but things were running amok in my head.  We were together for ten years.  I am doing the same thing with Dave.  For whatever reason, and I have a few, the emotional build up hits me and I am ready to throw any of my relationships out the window.  I am glad I never verbalize any of these things.  I am not even PMSing.  It hits me suddenly like last night while we were watching hocky.  This morning it clears like the sun comes out of the clouds to shine so brightly.  It's a good day and my relationship with Dave is the best thing to have hit me since Smokey died.
I appreciate all your advice.  I am either going to love to watch football, hockey and baseball or start doing a lot of reading while we are watching the games.  It is not that Dave ignores me as he is such a sweet soul.  We sit on the couch, watch TV, cuddle and hold hands.  If I want to I can lean my head on his shoulder and snooze.  It is pretty romantic in my books.  I like the fact that Dave enjoys the cuddling and hand holding.  It makes me feel pretty darn special.  He is a wonderful man and I am so lucky to have him in my life.  We really like each other a lot and are taking it one day at a time.
I figure God is not finished with me yet and He has a purpose for my life or He would have taken me home a long time ago.  I have got to start appreciating my life no matter how hard it seems to me at the moment.  Life is good.  God is great.  I am alive, breathing and kicking up a storm.
In much appreciation for all your wonderful advice from Diane Baillie

Replies

OnMyOwn2010
OnMyOwn2010

Glad you\'re feeling better...and that\'s what we\'re here for!!! To paraphrase a popular country song \" God is great, life is good & people are crazy....\" I think we\'re all a little crazy and this path we\'re on makes us crazier at times...but you\'re doin\' good, lady...real good, in my book....keep sharing...helps to know I\'m not the only one....lol...Big Hugs! ~E~
deleted_user
deleted_user

I don\'t belong in a relationship. I damage them all mainly with my intense insecurities that will not go away. I can\'t keep my mind silent and my mouth shut. Lots of regrets over that now.