I get so angry at times and don't understand it all.
I get so angry at times and don't understand it all. It is not like me but I feel like I have the weight of the whole world on my shoulders.
1. Smokey love of my life died Nov. 15, 2009
2. Looking for work getting out 20 resumes a day out for a receptionist position but few interviews and no bites
3. Dealing with my older brother Don who has Asperger's Syndrome - it is not easy and today I felt like as if I could not handle him any longer and need a break. He zaps me of all my energy. Anyone who is with him for one hour would understand what I mean.
4. Worried about finances since I am not working. Estate not settled yet and I am still waiting to get my Letters of Administration since Smokey died without a will. It sucks. I can't access Smokey's bank account nor his car loan information until I get that darn Letters of Administration and can't get the car in my name so I can sell it since I do not drive nor do I want to at all.
These are my burdens for me to deal with and I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and God just does not hear my prayers nor does He want to help me. Where is God in all this? I just don't understand. Don and I pray faithfully each day but there is no help. I feel as if I want someone to shoot me in my head so I can die and not live anymore. Life sucks for me today from Diane
1. Smokey love of my life died Nov. 15, 2009
2. Looking for work getting out 20 resumes a day out for a receptionist position but few interviews and no bites
3. Dealing with my older brother Don who has Asperger's Syndrome - it is not easy and today I felt like as if I could not handle him any longer and need a break. He zaps me of all my energy. Anyone who is with him for one hour would understand what I mean.
4. Worried about finances since I am not working. Estate not settled yet and I am still waiting to get my Letters of Administration since Smokey died without a will. It sucks. I can't access Smokey's bank account nor his car loan information until I get that darn Letters of Administration and can't get the car in my name so I can sell it since I do not drive nor do I want to at all.
These are my burdens for me to deal with and I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and God just does not hear my prayers nor does He want to help me. Where is God in all this? I just don't understand. Don and I pray faithfully each day but there is no help. I feel as if I want someone to shoot me in my head so I can die and not live anymore. Life sucks for me today from Diane
Replies
Hey Hey Hey, no more thoughts of hurting yourself. Have you got an aproximate date to get that letter? I don\'t know what it is, no will here either, but I haven\'t heard of it. One day at time. Did you get meds to help you with the depression, for we are all depressed going thru this horrible journey. Hugs, Wendy
Diane - hopefully a brighter day is around the corner. I sure remember having those horrible days in the first 6-8 months. I know it doesn\'t seem like it now but there is a sunnier day coming soon:)
Diane, I hope you are doing better now. I am late responding because I have been offline while I waited for my cable installation. I understand your worries, and also feel a huge weight on me, much of which will never lift. Having to move to my own place that is not my home, to live alone, is a huge anger for me and brought me down for a few days. Mornings are still the worst because I wake up and think \"Damn, another day\". I also pray every night, and often watch daily Mass on tv. I too am still waiting for good things to happen.
As many of us here at DS are, I am here for you. If you wish harm on yourself again, I hope you will seek out someone for real support. Hugs, Patti