i feel worthless

i just wanted to be held today.  by damn near anyone.  i wanted a man.  i guess to feel that masculine energy.  i dont think im such a horrible person.  anyone in my position wld feel angry hurt sad...so many things. my children r with their dad. 
i have this person inside me. 
i feel so alone 2day.  if im suh a wonderful person which my friends often tell me...if im so great y am i alone.  y doesnt my h love me.  hell even he doesnt think im a horrible person, but yet he does not love me....y cant i do that...stop loving him?
ive tried. 
i don't know that theres anyone that i dont love
im sure theres someone i havent yet met....it may not b a romantic love...but i love people.
logically i think i c myself with a correct view, but emotionally what others feel for me does effect me. 
i actually called that guy...jay.  i just asked him if he cld stop by.  i just wanted to b held.  i didnt wanna have sex.  i didnt want anything...just some company....he sd he wld and hasnt and prob won't.  its not a big shock.  but somehow im still disappointed.
how do i get disappointd when i expected the person to be a liar?
how do i still get disappointed?
why does someone beautiful inside and out....y do i still not get loved?
y am i getting a divorce when i did all i cld to save my marriage?
music is helping.  helps me feel less alone in a way.  im listening to corrine baily rae.  id been meaning to buy her cd for some time
her voice seems to mirror my thoughts/feelings/heart