I feel like cussing, a whole lot
More venting. I must seem like such a whiner.
Another call from my brother and I did sear at him in my head but stopped myself from doing it at him or out loud to myself. I'm shaking form his call which gave me lots of anxiety. It was another call where he proved me in all the previous things I have said. He was accusatory, overbearing, lied, called me names and when I got mad and upset and my voice started to rise and get more high pitch he hung up on me.
Readers may remember how angry he got and called me back about hanging up on him when I didn't even do it and since then he has hung up on me four times. You may also remember how he is always saying I cal him my asshole brother when I have never called him that but he has called me it many times in a defensive out burst because he thinks I am thinking it, I think.
A friend of mine who knew him but did not know he was my brother when he realized it told him that he was my asshole brother. This was my friends words based on what I had told him my brother had done, I never actually called him my asshole brother or said he was an asshole. but ever since this happened every time he is being a jerk he yells at me, "You are the asshole." it is always like that not you asshole or don't be an asshole but you are the asshole like he is trying to un asshole himself and put it on me. It has began to become frustrating since it is based on something not directly from me.
As I started getting irritated and he could here it in my voice, he asked me why I was always short with him and I told him because he pisses me off. But I can tell you why I am short with him, and other than some times with my sister when her own problems become overwhelming for me and frustrate me after being with her for hours, no one else.
Let me pose a question to you; How would you feel if you had to deal with or were called on a regular bases by a person who in the past has physically hit you, stolen from you, lied to you, broken promises to you, tattle-telled on you, manipulated or tried to manipulate you and who tried all too often to find and point out fault in you, insult you, try and belittle you, bully you, try to control you, treated you like an idiot and rarely let you be right, while browbeating you with repeated questioning? Yeah, you might be a little short tempered with them. Even when the person may not be actively doing any of those things, they are still there in the back of your mind bothering you and you might read into purely innocent or unknowing statements or deeds these past bad things done to you and so be short tempered. So that is my reasons for it and my defense.
Anyway, typical stupid bad call where he has found something he thinks I did wrong and phones me to call me on it, blame me, whatever' more than likely only to make himself feel better for all the things he has done wrong or for some simple pleasure he may get in belittling me.
How am I ever gonna get some peace with him always disturbing me on an almost weekly basis. I don't know what to do to get him to leave me alone and he hasn't shown more than a little bit of attempt to change or stop his own behavior which causes it because he can't accept that he is a problem and so blames everyone else. Until he can accept responsibility for his own behavior he won't be able to change the way he acts which makes others act in whatever way they do towards him.
I am not talking to myself here or projecting on to my brother. I am really innocent in all of this except the admitted short temper when it comes to him. I've asked others that know me and other than saying I'm terse and a bit anti-social, they have said I'm an open and fair minded person and most think of me on good terms. And those that know my brother without hearing only of him from me, all agree he is pretty much as I describe; easily angered, selfish, hypocritical, bossy, over-bearing, a liar, ungrateful, manipulative and irresponsible.
I find it hard to see any good traits in my brother at this point but he may have some that he does not show to me. I do not think he is an open thief just a little liberal with those things that are mine and his families at times. I don't know if he steals form others. I don't believe he would kill anyone. So the only good trait in him is that he isn't evil, I guess. He is not a good person in my opinion but he is not evil, either.
He says he loves our sister to pieces and only wants what is best for her but I don't really see it, at least not being shown in a good way as he insinuates himself into her life, bosses her around, tries to manipulate her and those around her, etc... Maybe in his own warped way this is how he shows his love and care for her but I don't see it as healthy and her social workers and others that work around her do not think so, either. But we can't stop him with any words, He agrees and then ignores us. Only a court ordered restraining order might keep him away but so far there is no real cause for this because other than disagreeing with the best way to take care of my sister he isn't actually hurting her, but upsetting her and causing the beneficial work others are doing with her to be lost.
This was a bit longer than I had anticipated it to be. I guess I had a lot on my mind.
Ah, a little venting always calms me, gets the negative feelings and thoughts out and thus away from me, distancing it somewhat so I am no longer as anxious.I want to be done with him and just live my life without stress.
P.S. It is many hours later. not sure how many maybe 8 and I am still upset. Stupid brother.
Another call from my brother and I did sear at him in my head but stopped myself from doing it at him or out loud to myself. I'm shaking form his call which gave me lots of anxiety. It was another call where he proved me in all the previous things I have said. He was accusatory, overbearing, lied, called me names and when I got mad and upset and my voice started to rise and get more high pitch he hung up on me.
Readers may remember how angry he got and called me back about hanging up on him when I didn't even do it and since then he has hung up on me four times. You may also remember how he is always saying I cal him my asshole brother when I have never called him that but he has called me it many times in a defensive out burst because he thinks I am thinking it, I think.
A friend of mine who knew him but did not know he was my brother when he realized it told him that he was my asshole brother. This was my friends words based on what I had told him my brother had done, I never actually called him my asshole brother or said he was an asshole. but ever since this happened every time he is being a jerk he yells at me, "You are the asshole." it is always like that not you asshole or don't be an asshole but you are the asshole like he is trying to un asshole himself and put it on me. It has began to become frustrating since it is based on something not directly from me.
As I started getting irritated and he could here it in my voice, he asked me why I was always short with him and I told him because he pisses me off. But I can tell you why I am short with him, and other than some times with my sister when her own problems become overwhelming for me and frustrate me after being with her for hours, no one else.
Let me pose a question to you; How would you feel if you had to deal with or were called on a regular bases by a person who in the past has physically hit you, stolen from you, lied to you, broken promises to you, tattle-telled on you, manipulated or tried to manipulate you and who tried all too often to find and point out fault in you, insult you, try and belittle you, bully you, try to control you, treated you like an idiot and rarely let you be right, while browbeating you with repeated questioning? Yeah, you might be a little short tempered with them. Even when the person may not be actively doing any of those things, they are still there in the back of your mind bothering you and you might read into purely innocent or unknowing statements or deeds these past bad things done to you and so be short tempered. So that is my reasons for it and my defense.
Anyway, typical stupid bad call where he has found something he thinks I did wrong and phones me to call me on it, blame me, whatever' more than likely only to make himself feel better for all the things he has done wrong or for some simple pleasure he may get in belittling me.
How am I ever gonna get some peace with him always disturbing me on an almost weekly basis. I don't know what to do to get him to leave me alone and he hasn't shown more than a little bit of attempt to change or stop his own behavior which causes it because he can't accept that he is a problem and so blames everyone else. Until he can accept responsibility for his own behavior he won't be able to change the way he acts which makes others act in whatever way they do towards him.
I am not talking to myself here or projecting on to my brother. I am really innocent in all of this except the admitted short temper when it comes to him. I've asked others that know me and other than saying I'm terse and a bit anti-social, they have said I'm an open and fair minded person and most think of me on good terms. And those that know my brother without hearing only of him from me, all agree he is pretty much as I describe; easily angered, selfish, hypocritical, bossy, over-bearing, a liar, ungrateful, manipulative and irresponsible.
I find it hard to see any good traits in my brother at this point but he may have some that he does not show to me. I do not think he is an open thief just a little liberal with those things that are mine and his families at times. I don't know if he steals form others. I don't believe he would kill anyone. So the only good trait in him is that he isn't evil, I guess. He is not a good person in my opinion but he is not evil, either.
He says he loves our sister to pieces and only wants what is best for her but I don't really see it, at least not being shown in a good way as he insinuates himself into her life, bosses her around, tries to manipulate her and those around her, etc... Maybe in his own warped way this is how he shows his love and care for her but I don't see it as healthy and her social workers and others that work around her do not think so, either. But we can't stop him with any words, He agrees and then ignores us. Only a court ordered restraining order might keep him away but so far there is no real cause for this because other than disagreeing with the best way to take care of my sister he isn't actually hurting her, but upsetting her and causing the beneficial work others are doing with her to be lost.
This was a bit longer than I had anticipated it to be. I guess I had a lot on my mind.
Ah, a little venting always calms me, gets the negative feelings and thoughts out and thus away from me, distancing it somewhat so I am no longer as anxious.I want to be done with him and just live my life without stress.
P.S. It is many hours later. not sure how many maybe 8 and I am still upset. Stupid brother.
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