I feel empty

I feel that I'm going down a cloudy road. Very black and white. I am alone, my mind is on the brink of insanity.  Even if is okay. My mind is so stress that I feel like dying. Never mind that I probably did alot of stuff to people. I don't have no wife. Maybe it is all in my mind. But with no validation and don't know what to think. I afraid to ask questions because I don' t want to know the answer. I am scared to death because I don't have many skills. Maybe I do but I need a fresh start. To find my confidence. Maybe I did sabatoge because I became so afraid because I tried to hard that I gave up.  But I didn't leave my wife to starve. I did all my might to find work. Nobody showed me how to fix this. I had no help. Everybody want to tell you how to do it but they haven't done it. I'm almost childlike in my thinking. I don't even know God is even with me.  I just want to be free and to be right in God's eyes.