I Faced My Abuser- Charlie
I received a call from Charlie (my abuser and father) today and I confronted him about what he did to me.... It tooks alot of guts to do this and I was scared as heck! I swallowed so hard I choked before I could ask him....I then pursued to ask him and when the words flowed out of my mouth I felt weird and wanted to hang up the phone. I didnt. He denied everything he did. He said he doesnt know where I got that from and that I shouldnt say those things. I sternly told him that I was only 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 years old and how could I come up with something like this on my own. He kept denying it. I kept pushing. I told him exactly what he did to me in details to trigger some kind of memory. He broke down and said, "Please.....dont do this to me." I said NO! I WILL! I have men issues and I have to see a therapist because of you. I have been living with this for YEARS and you cant tell me how to feel... I told him I want a sincere apology. Not just some, "I dont know where you got this from but Im sorry you feel this way." I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AND SO DO YOU AND IF YOU CANT BE A MAN AND STAND UP TO WHAT YOU DID THEN YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE CALLED A FATHER! He then started to cry. Oh man hearing a grown 46 year old man cry and tell me how sorry he was was bitter sweet. He explained he doesnt know why he did what he did and assured me it wasnt premeditated. I was the bigger person out of it and told him that Im glad he was man enough to admit it. I told him Im not angry anymore I just wanted to hear him apologize and I want to know that since then he has become a better man for himself, wife and kids. I am planning to visit him in September with one of my family members (you never know what one is up to after such a conversation like that.) I want him to look me in the eyes and apologize. I want to see his new life. I want to be assured that he is not the same man I left when I was younger. I want to know that my "father" has changed for the better and maybe, JUST MAYBE, we can start a better relationship out of this. I faced him.....Oh my gosh I face him....and I have to say I am much better inside after doing this.