I dunno

Earlier today I felt like crap.  I told my pdoc that I held out no hope that I was going to get better and that I was just sticking around for the people that love me, even though I think I am a pain in the ass to be around.  I told that to the bipolar group facilitator whom I met with today.  I really did feel that way.  Now, I don't know how I feel.  I drank a TON of caffiene (which apparently was a BAD idea) and now I'm pretty up but it doesn't feel natural.  I'm clenching my jaw and starting to get that skin crawly mixed feeling... I'm a little worried about that.  I'm also hoping that the temporary lapse from rapid cycling hasn't ended.  I dunno... I guess I just gotta strap in the roller coaster and ride...