I don't know if this makes sense
I was learning to go with my heart the other day - or trying -
in order to find a relationship for myself. I thought "why don't I
go for someone more close than a friendship??" -
I realized it's (my heart) way too tender to have a relationship
and so I discounted my ability to have one -
but then I saw - after thinking about which friend or family member to call on
just to reach out to and confide in - that everything - everyone was way too much! to deal with -
and I knew I had to try fix that -
and so I thought of my friend and winced in hesitation
and I also had a conversation with my stepmom -
I noticed and I thought about my friends and family and how there's always a kind of
back and forth - a kind of comeback with and from stepmom and friends and though I saw it
as my 'stop sign' to having a relationship -
I realized it's just not far from normal --it's how we people communicate?? and my life is surely not steeped in my solitary -
'only one' - complaint.
but the realization helped me embrace my heart and love for my friends
and family - and I realized it was all just a part of life.
I also thought about how in order to connect - we each want each other
to see things our way - a kind of fight for them to see our truth and talk
to us on the level of our truth - and that really lit a lightbulb for me.
I thought we each "HAVE OUR TRUTH" - so I learned I have a truth
when coming into a relationship or any relationship - and so does the other - it kind of helped
me to focus on the moment and yet when I started to drift too much into my own crystalized truth I also thought
that "We also need to survive" - and so I grew a greater respect for
interacting with folks as i went doing errands around town -
- NOT just based on my instinctive reaction "do they like me? am I doing ok?"
I realized the people in front of me were focused on their jobs as I went from store to store -
and I could respect that and interact with that parameter in mind -
. It helped me stay in the moment - and not melt into my abject feelings of
lowliness -
I was going to write more - but I've had a brain fart - I think in summary - I am living
in the truth here at the monastery - it's helped me a great deal along the path to
grow to see things very well. and it feels healthy to consider it -
Sending prayers up and thanks!
Replies
Big squishy hug sweetie..... A journal of wisdom Marky...... We do see things and share things from our own perception and experience...... I'm glad that you've been able to reach out sweetie.... xo
thanks janet! xx
i might summarize the sense i got out of this entry as, "i'm afraid to take a risk. it's far easier to freeze up and put myself down than to put myself out there. better yet, let's keep the speculation in third person plural so that i don't have to take responsibility for my personal development."
take a risk, marky pooh.
to have it all, you must risk it all.
be daring.
Thanks Arfie!!!!