i dont know if I can take it much more

Things have been so all over the place lately. I just dont know if I can take it anymore. I am just on edge with everything and everyone. I realy dont know what is wrong with him right now. I just get mad at everything and anything right now. I mean my kids are not wanting to listen to me when I tell them to do something and that makes me want to blow up but I cant. I just want to scream and scream and screm. I am not dealing with this well right now. I just dont know what is going on with me. I dont know if my boyfriend wanting me to get our own place and move out of his place is playing a part in it or not but I dont know what it is. I dont know what he jkust dont want us here with him but I just get a feeling that he wants us out of here ASAP. I am scared about moving out of here and being on my own bc i dont know if I can do it alone. But how do I make him see that when I have told him before the same thing. It like he wants us here but at the same time he doesnt bc I cant do anything without asking him and i cant even hang curtains or put anything up on the walls. All my and the kids stuff is in storage, well most of it. I just have what we need here like beds clothes toys and he even acting funny when i brought their toys in the house. I mean i make sure that their is food in the house, that he has a good cook meal everyday, lunch for work most days and i take care of the kids where he doesnt have to do anyhthing with them, which he never did anyways. I almost feel like i am back at my moms with no help but he works at night and he puts that in my face at times and says i am tired, i worked all night. I get that but i am also here taking care of the kids all day and the house all day. I havent had any ME time in i dont know how long at this point. He goes fishing once a week to get out of the house alone with his fishing friend and is gone all day long and i am home. I have tried to get him to take me to the lake again but he always comes up with something for us not going. I guess i just going to go myself. I just wish I could go get my nails done and feel good baout myself again some but i cant bc all the money is paying his bills and i am behind on my truck payment and that has never happened before, never. I was always on time and early on my truck payment and not now and i hate that feeling. I dont like it at all. He shuts down and i dontknow what is going on what he is feeling bc he wont talk. But yet he wants to know what is wrong with him all the time. I dont think its far to do that to me and treat things like this when I am trying and i just need help some. I wish i had some friends i could hang out with but i dont know anyone and so that makes it harder on me and why i am always at home. It sucks.