I dont know how i am feeling.....argh....
I dont know how i am feeling.....
This is my stumbling block.
I know my chest is feeling way to tight and i'm getting sick of it but i honestly cant seem to find time to relax and work it out...but know i'm going to have to.
I arrived at my sisters with my daughter and her friend and we had the car trip from hell.....a 3 hour trip took 7 and half hours due to an accident. I was totally exhausted.....we were stuck on a motorway and couldnt get out of our car. But the kids were great.
What upset me the most was how my stress levels increased, i know to an extent its normal but my chest got tighter and tighter.....not a panic attack just plain old stress.
My sister was warm and welcoming and had loads to show us and do.....that was so nice but to be honest a dark quiet room was what i needed. But we dont often come and the kids were excited. Again as we went from here to there, my chest got tighter and tighter. I asked myself how to handle it better and i chose the healthy options of food, turned down all frequent offers of alcahol and tried to control it like that.
Urgh.....
I ve got a long journey back tomorrow and am promising myself a nice hot bath, candles, peace.
Im worried that if anything stressful happens my body might not actually be able to take it.
Stress, anxiety is something which has crept up on me over the years.....i have to learn to sort out the root of this problem.
I have to solve, manage it.
I 'think' im feeling horrible but ive got so good at holding it together i wouldnt know.....doesnt that say it all?
I want to say 'help!'
This is my stumbling block.
I know my chest is feeling way to tight and i'm getting sick of it but i honestly cant seem to find time to relax and work it out...but know i'm going to have to.
I arrived at my sisters with my daughter and her friend and we had the car trip from hell.....a 3 hour trip took 7 and half hours due to an accident. I was totally exhausted.....we were stuck on a motorway and couldnt get out of our car. But the kids were great.
What upset me the most was how my stress levels increased, i know to an extent its normal but my chest got tighter and tighter.....not a panic attack just plain old stress.
My sister was warm and welcoming and had loads to show us and do.....that was so nice but to be honest a dark quiet room was what i needed. But we dont often come and the kids were excited. Again as we went from here to there, my chest got tighter and tighter. I asked myself how to handle it better and i chose the healthy options of food, turned down all frequent offers of alcahol and tried to control it like that.
Urgh.....
I ve got a long journey back tomorrow and am promising myself a nice hot bath, candles, peace.
Im worried that if anything stressful happens my body might not actually be able to take it.
Stress, anxiety is something which has crept up on me over the years.....i have to learn to sort out the root of this problem.
I have to solve, manage it.
I 'think' im feeling horrible but ive got so good at holding it together i wouldnt know.....doesnt that say it all?
I want to say 'help!'
Replies
\"I have to solve, manage it.\".
I think this is the crux of the problem. No sooner do you say \"I don\'t know what I\'m feeling\" -- it sounds like your off trying to figure out how to calm it down. Maybe I\'m wrong about that.
I also hear you saying that you feel overrwhelmed. All the chaos: the 3 hr trip turning into 7 hrs, your need to decompress while your sister is ready to entertain. Is it possible for you to assert: I need an hour to unplug & refresh. ??? Seriously. A hot shower, A long soak, a nap???
When I don\'t know what I\'m feeling, I go into \"identification\" mode:
1. As you identified a \"tightness\" in your chest -- I would start there. What other sensations am I feeling? Where am I \"holding?\". Does this feel like tension? Anger? Am I overwhelmed? Anxious? Frustrated?
2. What caused me to feel this way? What Happened today? (Review until something you think about causes you unease... Then focus on That)
3. What about that specific situation made me feel this way? (Did
someone criticize me? Doubt me? Step on my feelings? Tell me what I \"should\" be doing? Did something \"trigger\" me today? Such as: \"when I saw that accident, it brought up a memory of a time when _________, in which I felt __________.\"
4. Once you can Identify what caused your bodily sensation, you might be able to put words to it: \"I feel angry that ________ happened. I feel frustrated that I did not speak up for myself. I feel annoyed because _________.\".
5. What can I do right now to take care of myself? Do I need to be assertive? Do I need to vent to a friend? Do I need to sit & do some slow focused deep breathing for 5 minutes?
I hope something here helps. It\'s worked well for me the past 28 years.
((Hugs))
PS: I bet that feeling of \"stress\" is actually a deeper feeling. When I get that way, I ask myself \"What is going on here? Am I anxious? Feeling helpless? Overwhelmed?\".
Another thing I\'m wondering: Are actually Afraid to Feel? So when you feel \"stress\" -- you just want it to go away??? I think you need to go Toward it. Explore it. That\'s the path to wellness, imo.
((Hugs))
Thanks....and i mean that deeply from my heart.
Your advice helped me greatly last night.
I have tossed and turned for hours and hours, not able to sleep.
But i asked myself all of the questions you suggested and then i started to have very unsettled dreams.
They were about my niece. Very sad dreams.
I guess ive tried to suppress how worried i am because i am now powerless regarding her situation.
Ive tried to tell myself its now my other sisters problem and her mums because i cant cope with the drama that unfolds and abuse when im in the middle.
But because it isnt just about saving my niece, it represents saving \'little me\'....it becomes double the stress.
The dreams were heartbreakingly sad. I tried to push them away, navigate them..... But then i tried to do what amelah said and go a bit closer. Its interesting that i couldnt because it was \'too sad\'.
Too much feeling.
I guess thats why i need therapy. But i really cannot afford it right now. I just hate getting close to my feelings from childhood but they are the key.
Hi GoBetween,
It does sound like you have reached a point where your body is telling you that you\'ve reached a bit of a breaking point but you probably haven\'t been listening. I do that a lot: tuning out what my body is trying to tell me and continuing to push forward.
When I went through my divorce, I spent a lot of time by myself. When I had to be in situations where I felt \"stuck\" for long periods of time with other people I used to almost feel claustrophobic and I wanted to just get away. I would show up to get togethers with friends and then leave just as things were really getting started. Even if I was having a good time and I was with people I wanted to be with. I still wanted to just go home and retreat to my own little place of peace and quiet.
Maybe this is a phase of your recovery process? I\'ve always been an introvert so it\'s natural for me to retreat when stress gets to be too much. I\'m not sure if that\'s the case for you. I\'ve also always been prone to anxiety and it does flare up when I\'m under constant stress. I can understand why you are feeling as though you want to retreat. It sounds like there is a lot weighing on your heart and mind and you feel you need to face it.
I\'m not wild about trying to solve my problems when going to bed. Because nightmares do result! Your mind is percolating, when it needs to unplug & rest. That\'s why you tossed & turned. Very exhausting -- I know it well. The only reason I would recommend going toward the feeling then is so I can have a release via a good crying jag. Otherwise, it just becomes pure torture.
Maybe before going to bed, sit & meditate for 5 - 10 minutes. Allow your mind to empty and see what comes up. Continue to breathe through it, but rather than clinging to the thought, just observe it as you \"let it go...\".
The exercise I suggested in my previous post above is during your active day time.
((Hugs))
I have have that chest tightness feeling going on too. I\'ts horrible. Funnily enough I get it in gridlock traffic. Just feel like I can\'t breathe. Hmmm was it that M62 delay you were stuck in? I think a lorry shed its load. Hubby was in that on Friday. No fun at all. :/
DEEP DEEP breathing helps me. Big cleansing breath in, the slowly let it go but keep exhaling way beyond your normal outbreath. It clears your lungs out brilliantly.Then massive breath in, and do that a good few times.
Sorry if this is teaching your gran to suck eggs, singing to the choir, but it does help if you haven\'t tried this. Also, closing your eyes and relaxing parts of your body in turn, until your whole body is relaxed. Do this lying down or in a comfy armchair.
Getting closer to subdued feelings will hurt more to begin with but if you fell you can do it, then it will be cleansing.
At times when I\'ve been very stressed with overwork and worry about not passing exams (teacher training), I used to put my head on the pillow and imagine I was a little girl going to sleep, with no cares or responsibilities to weigh me down. I also used to visualise a gorgeous big sunflower, and made sure it filled the whole \'screen\' of my mind\'s eye while I drifted off. This worked well. Amelah has advised something very similar as well.xxxxx
When I say little girl, I mean as your ideal and self- loved inner child of course. xxxxx
Thanks...... Yes it was the M62 delay..... Thanks for all the great advice. You all made me feel very cared for, and that goes a long way right now xxx