I don't want to

I don't want to call my daughter and tell her I can't come to Thanksgiving dinner. I don't want to explain to her that the drive is too dangerous for me, that I don't want the grandkids seeing my sucking air from a tank,that my pain is sometimes uncontrollable and I have no idea what any day will be like. She has all the problems of everyday life to deal with and she can not handle any of my things . She does't understand. I watched and took care of my mom for the three years or so for her to die and don't want Jessica to watch me. I will not be a burden to her or anyone. Teresa is strong but I don't like it that she watches either. I don't want to call and make a Dr's appointment. I don't want to call the hospital records department and ask why it's takeing so long to get my records. I don't want to go to grocerystore and get dog food. I don't want to go to post office to get and send mail... etc.  I have do do all these things today... at least most of them... but I don't want to.