This is probably the saddest and hardest time in my life. I was so surprised to find this group. I truely believed I was the only person going through this. :(
Annie
FED UP! i am finally taking the advice from some of my closest friends and relatives. At the end of 2008 I filed for divorce. At that time I had 2 adult children that were married and living on their own. I needed employment and ended up moving 900 miles away to secure a good job. The grown kids were 33 and 34 at the time. My youngest child was a junior in high school. I did my best as a working mother to raise all of them. I was a professional. I helped support the ones in their thirties when they needed a babysitter, money when they were broke, provided a comfortable home to move back in to whenen they could not afford rent or when they got divorced. When they were in school I made sure their needs wer met. I paid for braces, musical instruments, clothing they selected. I also supplied transportation to school, private music lessons, sport practices and games. I even coached some of their teams. I saw to it that we were in church and involved in Christian activities. This post is not intended to brag about what I did as a mother. I did what any mother that loves her family would do, and loved it. My husband was a train engineer and was gone out of town two thirds of the time. I managed our household, cooked meals and helped with homework. When I moved, I asked my daughter in high school if she wanted to come with me. I felt the choice was her\'s since she had friends at school and would want to graduate with them. I paid full child support for her and never requested a settlement or alimony. Since the divorce the two oldest have decided to become the victims of divorced parents. They read blogs on the internet about Narcissistic parenting and made up their minds that because I set standards, assigned chores and made sure I knew their friends. They were not allowed to roam freely without checking with me first. I offered financial assistance to them for college after they graduated. None of them were interested in attending college. The two oldest found fault in everything I did. They seemed to forget the good memories from their childhood. As they added grand children into my life, I was delighted. Rather than being grateful for having a supportive parent, they kept track of gifts for birthdays and time I spent taking care of thier children; They became competative and fought amongst eachother. I one needed help with a bill, they asked for loans. I quickly learned grown children do not repay loans. They were jealous of their sister that was still in high school. They felt she was the favorite child. This behavior has been consistant since 2009. Eventually, they severed ties with me because I could not meet all of their financial needs or for whatever they could dream up to find fault with me. The youngest daughter is now age 22. She has been very close to me all these years, The two oldest tried convincing her to read the information about the Narcissistic Mother. She is now engaged. They have finally convinced her that I am that horrible controling mother and everything that I ever did for her during her life was not out of love, it was my need to use her as an object to glorify myself. Because I made sure I knew who her friends were, what she was up to and maintained standards to live by. That made me controling and manipulating. It has been almost 7 years of them controling whether I could see my grandchildren or not. I came to accept the older ones rejection. What could I do? They are adults. Now that the youngest is planning her wedding, they have convinced her my intentions are only for my own recognition and to make myself the center of attention. About a month ago, my youngest daughter told me that the three of them decided I needed to get professional help. This decision was based on my attempts to keep all of them part of my life. i admit, I was truly heartbroken when they began to act this way. I never thought it would go on this long, nor did I ever think the youngest would buy into it. Well, she has. I am not welcome at her wedding. I was planning to help her and make her dress. This feels like a nightmare!! Can anyone relate to my situation? I have read all the blogs on the internet and these people are recommending that they sever ties and stay away from me because of my toxic manipulation. There is no way to argue that the things that were done for them were truly out of love, never to be mean. I am ready open for suggestions. What is my next step against this vile propaganda? My ex-husband was the ring leader in the beginning. He may still be as far as I know. It is just so hard to believe they believe him because he was never around to parent or disipline them. When he arrived into town from his train trips, it was time to play. He did not want to be bothered with any disipline. He even chose to go against me if there was something he wanted to do and I had grounded them for things they had done in his absence.
Replies
FED UP! i am finally taking the advice from some of my closest friends and relatives. At the end of 2008 I filed for divorce. At that time I had 2 adult children that were married and living on their own. I needed employment and ended up moving 900 miles away to secure a good job. The grown kids were 33 and 34 at the time. My youngest child was a junior in high school. I did my best as a working mother to raise all of them. I was a professional. I helped support the ones in their thirties when they needed a babysitter, money when they were broke, provided a comfortable home to move back in to whenen they could not afford rent or when they got divorced. When they were in school I made sure their needs wer met. I paid for braces, musical instruments, clothing they selected. I also supplied transportation to school, private music lessons, sport practices and games. I even coached some of their teams. I saw to it that we were in church and involved in Christian activities. This post is not intended to brag about what I did as a mother. I did what any mother that loves her family would do, and loved it. My husband was a train engineer and was gone out of town two thirds of the time. I managed our household, cooked meals and helped with homework. When I moved, I asked my daughter in high school if she wanted to come with me. I felt the choice was her\'s since she had friends at school and would want to graduate with them. I paid full child support for her and never requested a settlement or alimony. Since the divorce the two oldest have decided to become the victims of divorced parents. They read blogs on the internet about Narcissistic parenting and made up their minds that because I set standards, assigned chores and made sure I knew their friends. They were not allowed to roam freely without checking with me first. I offered financial assistance to them for college after they graduated. None of them were interested in attending college. The two oldest found fault in everything I did. They seemed to forget the good memories from their childhood. As they added grand children into my life, I was delighted. Rather than being grateful for having a supportive parent, they kept track of gifts for birthdays and time I spent taking care of thier children; They became competative and fought amongst eachother. I one needed help with a bill, they asked for loans. I quickly learned grown children do not repay loans. They were jealous of their sister that was still in high school. They felt she was the favorite child. This behavior has been consistant since 2009. Eventually, they severed ties with me because I could not meet all of their financial needs or for whatever they could dream up to find fault with me. The youngest daughter is now age 22. She has been very close to me all these years, The two oldest tried convincing her to read the information about the Narcissistic Mother. She is now engaged. They have finally convinced her that I am that horrible controling mother and everything that I ever did for her during her life was not out of love, it was my need to use her as an object to glorify myself. Because I made sure I knew who her friends were, what she was up to and maintained standards to live by. That made me controling and manipulating. It has been almost 7 years of them controling whether I could see my grandchildren or not. I came to accept the older ones rejection. What could I do? They are adults. Now that the youngest is planning her wedding, they have convinced her my intentions are only for my own recognition and to make myself the center of attention. About a month ago, my youngest daughter told me that the three of them decided I needed to get professional help. This decision was based on my attempts to keep all of them part of my life. i admit, I was truly heartbroken when they began to act this way. I never thought it would go on this long, nor did I ever think the youngest would buy into it. Well, she has. I am not welcome at her wedding. I was planning to help her and make her dress. This feels like a nightmare!! Can anyone relate to my situation? I have read all the blogs on the internet and these people are recommending that they sever ties and stay away from me because of my toxic manipulation. There is no way to argue that the things that were done for them were truly out of love, never to be mean. I am ready open for suggestions. What is my next step against this vile propaganda? My ex-husband was the ring leader in the beginning. He may still be as far as I know. It is just so hard to believe they believe him because he was never around to parent or disipline them. When he arrived into town from his train trips, it was time to play. He did not want to be bothered with any disipline. He even chose to go against me if there was something he wanted to do and I had grounded them for things they had done in his absence.