I don't know whether to laugh, cry, scream or hit something!
I have always been emotionally invested in people I love or care deeply about. To a fault, I know. It's exhausting makes me feel ill at times. My mum says its because I'm a Cancer lol.
My little sister, who I have complained about plenty lately, has caused such a stir of emotions in me.
She's pregnant. But she hasn't told me, but she's told a ton of other people. Let me break down my emotions.
Happy: She has wanted another baby since she had her son, who turns 4 in May. I am glad, in a small way that she got what she wanted.
Angry: she has been with this guy for two months. Total. He moved in and then she got pregnant. This guy has only been seperated from his wife since September. She has been seperated from her ex for two months. They live in a half torn apart (always starting renos never finishing) trailer with 4 dogs, one being a great dane AND pregnant, and they are trying (they think they will win, I don't) to get custody of his two kids.
Shock: two months seperated from ex, two months with this guy....now pregnant. Do the math. It could be either or, though she swore to her best friend that she got her rag last month and it has to be The Screws.
Hurt: with Julian I was the first to know she was pregnant and I was in the delivery room as a stand in for the dad. I saw him before my sister did! This time we are having a rough go of things because I have made my displeasure clear of what she's doing with her and her sons life. So she hasn't told me. She sees me and won't look at my face, she darts in and out of any room we are in together for more then 30 seconds. She told her best friend she doesn't want to tell me because I will lecture her. I don't want to lecture her, but I sure as hell am not going to jump for joy.
Sick: her son is suffering some major issues. He went to see his paternal grandma at Christmas, came home and the guy he called dad was gone. No explanation he could understand and suddenly he could no longer see him or his 'grandparents'. Then, just a week later, some guy starts coming over and his mom is all over him. Then said guy moves in. Suddenly he has a new daddy. Now she's pregnant, and The Screw, The Screws kids, her dogs and booze already come before him....so now the baby. The sweetest little boy has become violent, mean, cruel and defiant. He will tell you to go fuck yourself then slap your face....and he was NOT like that before!!!
Jealous: This is a hard one for me to admit. I don't want more babies. Im 99% sure of that. But my whole life I have been on the back burner. I didn't get into trouble so I didn't get the attention. When I graduated I was working full time and supporting myself so I didn't need to be doted on. When I was pregnant she was pregnant the first time....I was in a steady relationship, whereas she had baby daddy drama and everything else so everyone flocked to her side. And now she's pregnant again.....surrounded by drama....and no one is going to care how I feel.
Selfish: All of the above feelings are selfish. I cry because she won't tell me, I cry because I hate that she's doing this to her son, I cry because I can't be happy for her like I should no matter how hard I try.
Exhausted: I'm tired as shit of it all.
My little sister, who I have complained about plenty lately, has caused such a stir of emotions in me.
She's pregnant. But she hasn't told me, but she's told a ton of other people. Let me break down my emotions.
Happy: She has wanted another baby since she had her son, who turns 4 in May. I am glad, in a small way that she got what she wanted.
Angry: she has been with this guy for two months. Total. He moved in and then she got pregnant. This guy has only been seperated from his wife since September. She has been seperated from her ex for two months. They live in a half torn apart (always starting renos never finishing) trailer with 4 dogs, one being a great dane AND pregnant, and they are trying (they think they will win, I don't) to get custody of his two kids.
Shock: two months seperated from ex, two months with this guy....now pregnant. Do the math. It could be either or, though she swore to her best friend that she got her rag last month and it has to be The Screws.
Hurt: with Julian I was the first to know she was pregnant and I was in the delivery room as a stand in for the dad. I saw him before my sister did! This time we are having a rough go of things because I have made my displeasure clear of what she's doing with her and her sons life. So she hasn't told me. She sees me and won't look at my face, she darts in and out of any room we are in together for more then 30 seconds. She told her best friend she doesn't want to tell me because I will lecture her. I don't want to lecture her, but I sure as hell am not going to jump for joy.
Sick: her son is suffering some major issues. He went to see his paternal grandma at Christmas, came home and the guy he called dad was gone. No explanation he could understand and suddenly he could no longer see him or his 'grandparents'. Then, just a week later, some guy starts coming over and his mom is all over him. Then said guy moves in. Suddenly he has a new daddy. Now she's pregnant, and The Screw, The Screws kids, her dogs and booze already come before him....so now the baby. The sweetest little boy has become violent, mean, cruel and defiant. He will tell you to go fuck yourself then slap your face....and he was NOT like that before!!!
Jealous: This is a hard one for me to admit. I don't want more babies. Im 99% sure of that. But my whole life I have been on the back burner. I didn't get into trouble so I didn't get the attention. When I graduated I was working full time and supporting myself so I didn't need to be doted on. When I was pregnant she was pregnant the first time....I was in a steady relationship, whereas she had baby daddy drama and everything else so everyone flocked to her side. And now she's pregnant again.....surrounded by drama....and no one is going to care how I feel.
Selfish: All of the above feelings are selfish. I cry because she won't tell me, I cry because I hate that she's doing this to her son, I cry because I can't be happy for her like I should no matter how hard I try.
Exhausted: I'm tired as shit of it all.
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and after all was said and done I am 99% sure she lost her pregnancy. I\'m sad for how she feels.