I Don't Know What I'm Doing

It's a gray, rainy day and I'm depressed.  It seems I'm depressed more than feeling fine.  It's been a tinerrible year with the Corona virus, giant wild fires, nightly protests and roiting.  Many including me lost their jobs because of the virus.  I couldn't see my beloved boyfriend, Chris, for months.  I was so glad to have a nice birthday celebration at his apartment.

I feel like I made a whole lot of mistakes so that's why my life is so crummy.  I dreamed of having a regular life like so many other people.  I would still have a husband, 2 children instead of 1 and a decent house.  I might of even had a career.  Instead I'm my son and I share an apartment with my ex-mother-in-law.  I have to do almost everything here.  

I'm so afraid of my future because the world is even more difficult live in and expensive.  Things have become so rediculous.  I don't know how anybody can live in the world these days except for the rich.  They are the only ones who can afford things in this world.  We used to be able to afford basic things but that changed over the years.  Life just kept getting tougher.