I don't know... is it worth it anymore?

Caught up in the post Thanksgiving, pre-Christmas craziness... my mind is racing and I can't seem to catch up with it.  I've been really thinking over some of my mistakes.  and I am not sure if I can continue on knowing what I have done.  I feel like each time I  gave myself to some one... I lost a piece of my soul... I am hollow on the inside.  It's like I am dead inside.
I had though Thanksgiveing would be a day of fights over food and such.. but somehow I avoided it.. I even let myself have pie.. maybe a bit too much pie.. and I regret it now.. so I am starting this week off in a sad spot.  I started reading about eating disorders again.. massively.  I checked out a ton of books from the local library.  See... I really want to know what caused this.. I want to desperately to get to the botton of it all.
I can't sleep anymore.. it's too difficult.. my mind is racing so fast.. I just can't stop thinking long enough to sleep.. yet, most of my thoughts don't make any sense at all.. so why do they torture me?  Christmas presents wrapped and packaged to ship, Cards filled out and addressed.. and I still can't calm my mind enough to sleep.. I think that I missed something.. even at four in the mourning .. I just keep going.  I try to figure out what else can be done.  I just can't stop.  I have to keep myself actually busy... or my mind will wander.
Then my mind does wander.. and I can't sleep at all.  I think about them.  The guys who I've let take a piece of my soul.  I play back in my mind what I have done.  I have given myself over to those who do not care for me as a person.. in fact I am not sure I even feel like a real person anymore.  I think about exact times when I let these things happen... and I think.. I might as well continue in this fashion.. no guy could ever really love me now.. I'm used property.   my wrist sports seven neat little lines, all cut into my flesh.  One for each guy who I have let off with a piece of me.
I think I am hollowed out.. for sure.  I am not sure there is any coming back from thins.. it's too much.  I can't handle my own mind much longer.. It's killing me slowly.