I don't know if I should write about this..but...
Today has been a struggle but also an opportunity to seek new ground.
I kind of felt real low like my life isn't really special to anyone and yet
as I went for a walk (to just clear my head) I thought about my family
and relatives I have spoken to recently. They are special to me and I am to them.
I think the measuring stick that I have been using to chart or validate my life
might have been about external forces. Pretenses maybe - and not the real
interpersonal relationships that we all have. I think there's a mix of
ways we self regard while alone - whether it's the promise of a warped kind of social
status (which does nothing for me now because of how I live) and the real and yeah sometimes
flawed and challenging interpersonal relationship we all have. My specialness that I feel is about my heart
and the love and pleasure I feel for hearing a loved one's voice on the other end of the phone.
The walk I took cleared my head. Now I am going to make a call. Peace, Mark
Replies
Mark, you articulate your feeling so well and even when you are feeling down it seems like writing it out helps you find positive perspectives....would you agree? I appreciate your presence and insights here. Happy new year to you.
Thanks so much Sensitive! I was just about to write an apology here - but I reread my entry and I like what I wrote. My mood changes a lot and so I have to be at the ready to break open my tools and even make new ones to help me not be a victim of them (my moods.) Right now I am dealing with a mood shift that might as well be another journal entry - but I find that what is helping me right now, as I am on my own now, is that it's important to be structured kind of so that wave of feeling doesn't overwhelm my sense of well being. It's pretty hard. I feel sometimes I was meant to be an opera singer...I've got all that extreme emotion about me already. :) Peace, M