I DON\'T KNOW HOW I FEEL.....

Friday night, 8-22-08:  I am not sure how I feel.  I am not feeling terrible but not great either.  Is this what "normal" feels like?  I don't remember. Two more days until school starts.  I am a little anxious about that.  I went to a staff mtg. yesterday and saw our new teacher again, briefly.  I guess just not knowing what changes she will bring makes me sort of anxious.  Of course, I didn't know the teacher last year, either, and it worked out fine.  I think my anxiety is just fear of the unknown.  Of course, that is ridiculous, because almost everything is unknown. I got my dryer fixed to the the tune of $54.95.  That was just the part. We fixed it ourselves as it was just the heating element.  Compared to a new dryer, however, that is not bad.  I am glad to have it back.  I just don't have time to hang all the clothes on the line.  Or maybe just not the energy.  Or both...... I got in the pool today but the water was too cold to really get in.  So, I got an air mattress that doesn't really get me wet and just kind of floated around and dozed. Even that was good as it was totally self indulgent. Hopefully the water will be warmer tomorrow.  We have had some really cool days here (upper 60's-low 70's) and rain.  Today it was in the mid 80's.  I think tomorrow will be a bit warmer, still.  I just want to enjoy it as much as I can 'cause there isn't much time left before fall. I have a feeling our winter is going to be really, really, cold! I am not looking forward to that!  Once I get cold, I don't thaw until spring!  Really!  I don't really have plans this weekend.  A friend of mine may come over to float around with me in the pool.  I did most of my housework and laundry today.  At least, all I am willing to do. I just kind of want to "chill" before going back to work.  And, I picked up a book from the library as well as several DVD's.  Boring, boring, boring.....I like it that way.  I have had enough "excitement" in my life to last me the rest of my life! I have started writing again and am working on a book about my first year journey.  I have had one publisher call.  Whether or not it ever gets published really doesn't matter.  It seems to be helping me.  I hope to potentially help others but just helping myself is amazing!  I talked to Chris tonight.  He was in a slump but seems to be feeling a bit better.  I will not see or talk to him for the next several nights as the Springfield Cardinals are in town for the next seven days.  When he is working, I can forget it!  I am so proud of him, though. I saw Adam earlier today.  I haven't heard from him since about 1 p.m. and am a bit concerned.  But, he is 21 and has his own agenda.  He will probably call in a bit.  He is really very good about that as he knows how worried I can get.  No news is good news, in my world. I haven't really seen Craig much today.  He came home from work and then went to do some side work.  He helps a realtor friend of ours mow the yards of houses on the market.  It pays pretty well and helps pay for odds & ends. My mom's husband is still in the hospital in KC.  She tolerated her 1st wk. of radiation fairly well...only 5 more wks. to go!  She took me to lunch yesterday and was pretty tired.  And, she said, "It is a different kind of tired."  But today, she said she felt okay.  She did very well on chemo so I am hoping for the best with the radiation.  She is a very strong woman.  I have been wondering....did anyone else have a sense their child was in trouble? (as in accident, dying, etc.)  When I think back, I think I knew, but didn't....  Scotty memory:  Scott was about seven and the movie Poltergeist was on TV at my Mom's.  The kids call her Honey.  Anyway, he came in the kitchen and said, "Honey, are those Poultry Guys real?"  Until the day he died, when something strange would happen, I would say, "It must just be those Poultry Guys."  It was a really fun family joke and we still enjoy it.