I don't know anymore
Well, well, well, is all I can say...I'm full of shit and I'm keeping it real. I saying this because I wanted to go to the gym and I "lazyed" out, or whatever. I preferred after the 1 1/2 hour traffic to come home, sip wine and play on line on POF.
I cannot have it both ways, and I am "too depressed" to go to a cookout my cousin is having but I'm ok to make other plans with a co-worker, which by the way I was talked into.
Idk, I am working on myself and I am trying to understand me at 40years old, soon 41yrs, so we all grow up slowly and surely.
There is no perfect person, just Jesus!
This leads me to an important point, the smiley faces, I am not okay or good, I'm in the middle.
And what my therapist said is in my head real bad, "people die all the time", I need to make some notes, b c I am going let him have it. However, he hit some other good points.
I KNOW PPL DIE ALL THE TIME, ITS THE LIVING PPL THAT HAS TO DEAL WITH TEH AFTERMATH AND HOW? I HAVE NOT HAD ENOUGH TIME TO FOCUS ON WHAT IS I FRONT OF ME, HOWEVER I AM FUNCTIONING AT WORK(BARLEY) AND HOME(NO IM NOT).
I'm a liar. I lie to myself, my family, friend(s), and just to my life.
Today at work I had to think of reasons to live, you know "the what if you were not here" excuses. And this is a lie too, because I keep thinking of other things and plans, so I'm not that far gone, just very, very sad and lonely. Maybe, I'm afraid to meet people, Idk!!
I really wish my mother was here, Oh Lord! (crying)
I don't want to think of her or no one else, I don't want to be sad, but it is hard.
I cannot have it both ways, and I am "too depressed" to go to a cookout my cousin is having but I'm ok to make other plans with a co-worker, which by the way I was talked into.
Idk, I am working on myself and I am trying to understand me at 40years old, soon 41yrs, so we all grow up slowly and surely.
There is no perfect person, just Jesus!
This leads me to an important point, the smiley faces, I am not okay or good, I'm in the middle.
And what my therapist said is in my head real bad, "people die all the time", I need to make some notes, b c I am going let him have it. However, he hit some other good points.
I KNOW PPL DIE ALL THE TIME, ITS THE LIVING PPL THAT HAS TO DEAL WITH TEH AFTERMATH AND HOW? I HAVE NOT HAD ENOUGH TIME TO FOCUS ON WHAT IS I FRONT OF ME, HOWEVER I AM FUNCTIONING AT WORK(BARLEY) AND HOME(NO IM NOT).
I'm a liar. I lie to myself, my family, friend(s), and just to my life.
Today at work I had to think of reasons to live, you know "the what if you were not here" excuses. And this is a lie too, because I keep thinking of other things and plans, so I'm not that far gone, just very, very sad and lonely. Maybe, I'm afraid to meet people, Idk!!
I really wish my mother was here, Oh Lord! (crying)
I don't want to think of her or no one else, I don't want to be sad, but it is hard.
Replies