I don't know

Ok so it has been around three months since my last journal entry.  I did try to put tissue in my bra to check but it felt so itchy I couldn't leave them, even when I switched to really soft kleenex, so I am kind of at a lose as to what to do next.  I had a partial mammogram at the end of Feburary of last year, so I am wondering if I should have another one just to make sure.  Now my medical website says that they recommend one every other year in your forties.  It used to be up to you and your doctor's descretion so I am wondering if they would even let me have one after the one year mark or if they would make me wait another year.  I have a doctor's appointment today with my GP so I may ask her.  I have an appt. because here over the last couple of months I have been having some very bad fatigue to the point where I start to feel a bit winded doing my normal stuff. Now I vaguely remember feeling like this one time before but I don't remember it lasting this long.  So I made an appointment a few weeks ago.  I still also feel super bloated after some meals, so those combination of symptoms along with this past years worries defintely does not help my anxiety.  Because I imagine the worst case scnario as to why that would be.  I try to tell myself it could be just that i am not getting enough sleep or my favorite thing to blame it on is maybe an underactive thyroid.  Which in all the years I have tried to blame my thyroid the blood work always comes back fine, so I really need to stop doing that.  Also I am going to have her look at a spot on my forehead that looks suspicous so she can see if it is something to worry about or not.  What I would like from this appointment is to feel heard and for her to answer my questions and to have bloodwork done so I can find out what is making me so tired.  I will report back later tonight. 

3/30/2020

So obviously I didn't end up updating the same day.  It is now two months later.  The doctor did look at the spot on my head and ended up freezing it off and now it is no longer there so that is good.  I told her about my fatigue and she suggested I get more sleep and ordered some blood work.  And like I predicted my thyroid was fine so was the rest of my blood work, which is good but it didn't explain why I am so tired. My doctor because of my family history thought that I should have a mammogram every year.  So I made an appointment and last week I had one.  They are painful there are no two ways about it but it pretty cool that we have a test that can help catch it early.  I got my letter today that said they didn't see anything to be concerned with although I guess by state law they now have to tell you when you have dense breasts which can make it more difficult to read the mammograms.  Which kind of took away some of my relief.  It said that if I have a family history to make sure I tell my doctor.  Which they should already know because it is in my file.  So that doesn't fill me with confidence either.  I need to talk to my doctor about the spots in my bra on the right side that are leading me to believe that I may have discharge.  Now it has been I believe over a year because I first thought it was stains from the lotion I was using I have not been as on it as I should've.  I have never seen the discharge actually only the stain left behind in my bra.  So I don't know if it is clear which I understand it is bad or cloudy which is not as bad.  Although since it is only on one side that is also not good.  

I would like to make an appointment so that I can ask how worried I should be about it or if because my mammogram came out clear I shouldn't worry about.  Unfortunately with Covid-19 I do not exactly have loads of free time because the kids are out of school and I am having to teach them at home.  I could get my sister to watch them but that would involve questions that I don't want to answer.  Also I don't want to be exposed to the possibility of getting it because I am at a doctor's office.  Once again as the title states I don't know what to do.  I worry that if I procrastinate too long and there is something wrong that it will be harder to get treatment that would do me any good.  So I am full of worry and anxiety and indecision.