I didn't like group.

Hearing others' stories was good. I'm always interested in what others are going thru. But. I didn't really gain anything from it. Just that lots of people are going thru lots a different bad things. I learned a long time ago to never judge someone else's life. That we all have shit we go thru. Walk a mile. I just don't think. I don't know. That I shared what I wanted to convey. I'm not sure I even shared much. Bluh. 

You know what I want to convey.... That I'm tired. I'm tired of talking about it. I'm tired of thinking about it. Trying to make it work this way or that way. My head just hurts. I spend most of my time at home doing nothing. Trying to not to think about it. I want it to be ok. Poof. And it's ok. I want someone to give me the answer. And tell me. -No -I want them to show me how it's going to be ok. For sure. 100% ok. 99% ok would be good too. I'm tired of the limbo. If this then do that. If that then do this. I. Want. THE. Answer. NOW. 

DIVOIRCE. DONT DIVORCE. WAIT IT OUT. 

UGH. UGH. UGH!  

i need to know for sure I can make it. And make it good. 

This limbo.... He comes to the house. He mows. He does dishes. And now he's mister wonderful. And I hate that more than anything. He can not fix this. He can't. I want the money stable. I want the money to stay stable. Period. I refuse to live with him any other way. 

Agh. That's what I'm going to tell him. 

This isn't about him helping with dishes. Or kids. Or errands. It's about the money. I want it stable. I don't want it to control me. Or my kids. I want enough.