I did it! I confronted my Mom about my abuse! I am proud of myself! But, her response saddens me....
I was to be ready this past Tuesday to go out for a early Mother's Day lunch with my Mom.... I was cleaning the house so, that when I would get back I could relax and really enjoy my day. I had my jeans in the dryer and I was on a roll.... we usually meet up at 10-11am when we go out for the day.... at 9:46am I get a knock at the door... who is it??? My Mom and why??? I say that I was speed cleaning and waiting for my pants to dry... I guess she didn't hear me cause who else is walking up??? But, my 23 year old brother.... in a dress shirt slacks and a tie.... lord..... I knew I was being ditched or had been forgotten even though we spoke the night before about going out. The prior week my Mom forgot me on a Monday.... then called me later that day as if nothing was wrong... (yet I can hear it in her voice) she suggested the next day on a tuesday.... Tuesday went by and I was all ready... no Mom... So, why did I think the following week... (May 3rd...) would be any different. My Brother lives in the eyes of my Mom.... he can do no wrong. He is lazy and rude to her and everyone else and thinks it's humor or sarcasm.... when it is just plain mean. He is a mirror image of his dad's speech. But, anyways.... yes! I was left behind.... they were texting me and calling me at 8am... not for me to be ready... but, to borrow my hubby's tie. For yet another interview cause he is never happy with his jobs... his 6 jobs that range from 1 week to 3 months... this new one is wow 5 months.... and who takes him.... even though he has a brand new truck she bought??? My Mom! So, I refused to answer the phone all day.... threatened my hubby not to answer my phone and if she called him make an excuse I was busy. Well he did... the next morning (Wed.) I didn't answer the phone.... well what does she do.... at 10am she opens my door and comes in without asking..... I flipped out on her about everything. That I am sick of being tossed aside..... that I am the better kid yet am ignored... She acted like I was nuts.... that she assumed I didn't want to go cause I wasn't ready..... I told her when do we ever go out for the day before 10am... when places don't open until 11am to eat at. I told her she was full of it!!! That Mr. Looser had an interview and that's was the only thing that mattered. She said she didn't hear me when I said I was waiting for my pants to dry.... I said yeah well.... if her son didn't walk up and interrupt and say something stupid to me she may have heard me... Tell her no I'm ready!!! That would be a normal person.... Someone that pays attention to her daughter. But, as she has done in the past..... say... well did you still wanna go (If I didn't appear to be ready or she arrived too early). No cause you had no intention on going out with me. That you declined my offer to go to Universal Studios the day before to paint your going to be 24yr old son's room.... rather than spend a day out with your daughter son n law and 2 grandsons.... That is how it always is!!! She resonded she didn't want to walk all day... I said from 10am-2 or 3pm... yet you can drive your son, his girlfriend and two guy friends to Magic Mountain a hour further than Universal... walk with them up hills all day long in the heat AND YOU DON'T GO ON ANY RIDES!!!.... No, cause it's him! That's why.
I got straight A's 9 semesters in Junior High and High School... while her son even now in Collage barely does his work without a fuss or help.... that sometimes he guilts her to do an essay cause he's screwed around all week out and about with his girlfriend or on xbox or playstation.... that I bring her Mother's Day birthday gifts to her work (which I have yet to receive in 4 years since my 1st kid and TODAY SHE IS GETTING NOTHING)..... huge balloons flowers.... expensive Christmas gifts.... and her son does nothing and when he does it's cheap and her own money or his girlfriend trying to out do me (cause she hates me cause of my brother)...... I said I was sick of being forgotten when I don't even make the plans and then to see them go out to lunch when I was the one asked out.
So, I went off about everything.... about my Brother's father abusing me from 8-10.... then again trying to grope me at 20..... that I was raped at 21 by one of his softball team mates.... she didn't know that story.... told her why I didn't tell her. She made excuses that we couldn't live on the street.... told her that living on the street would have been better than being mentally and physically abused.... that making me live with my abuser for 10 years after being abused was abuse.... that worrying about her son being taken away and not getting justice when I first told her at 10.... was abuse.
The truth is out.... yet I still didn't get the sorry or I never really thought of that... I got the answers that hurt and that I assumed were the reasons... I thought it would be a relief that I said it all..... but, it didn't get the outcome I hoped. So, I'm still going to struggle with her denial.... her excuses.... BUT, what hurt the most is that she said SHE was abuse by my real father for 3 years (being beat) and she stayed with him so I could have a home and food.... I told her that.... it's not the same.... I was a child that didn't have a choice... she was adult that did..... that had a voice and could ask for help. I didn't. I didn't ask to be born or to have this life or for her to choose the man she chose. She is a Mom that was to be there to protect me from people like that. She failed...... that she didn't get rid of him until 19 years later.... that it wasn't until I moved out did they divorce... and the main reason was his cheating!!!! Drinking and doing drugs towards the last 5 years of them being together... it wasn't for my abuse but, for her own reasons. That she had a home, car, and a well paying job to be on her own.... I told her that we would never be okay after this..... that it will always be fake now... That how dare her ask me at 29 years old after 19 years of silence bring up my abuse with my Step Father to get him in trouble because he had called my brother a bitch to a fellow softball team mate of my brothers..... I told her how dare she ask that of me and think it was okay.... that she thought it was okay.... that it was the right thing to do cause his feelings were hurt and his rep was tarnished by his father's word to some guy he sees 2 times a week for a hour or two on a softball field!!!! How low was that??? To get justice over a word and not that of my childhood and of my body..... I said it!!! I felt good. Cause it had bothered me for 8 months or so.... since she had said that to me over the phone I struggled with the way she thought of me and that of my brothers self worth.... I will dwell over this for a while.... it will bother me... I still believe I need to sit down and talk with my hubby. That maybe a little loving conversation between him and I.... I will get the support I so deserve. Since he is the only one that will ever be there for me. I am stronger because I have him... I am so proud of who he is and how he treats me. He is why I live with a smile on my face every day... he gave me two great kids that make me so very happy.... But, I do take this from my Mom.... I will never do the things she did. My children will be protected from predators!!!
I got straight A's 9 semesters in Junior High and High School... while her son even now in Collage barely does his work without a fuss or help.... that sometimes he guilts her to do an essay cause he's screwed around all week out and about with his girlfriend or on xbox or playstation.... that I bring her Mother's Day birthday gifts to her work (which I have yet to receive in 4 years since my 1st kid and TODAY SHE IS GETTING NOTHING)..... huge balloons flowers.... expensive Christmas gifts.... and her son does nothing and when he does it's cheap and her own money or his girlfriend trying to out do me (cause she hates me cause of my brother)...... I said I was sick of being forgotten when I don't even make the plans and then to see them go out to lunch when I was the one asked out.
So, I went off about everything.... about my Brother's father abusing me from 8-10.... then again trying to grope me at 20..... that I was raped at 21 by one of his softball team mates.... she didn't know that story.... told her why I didn't tell her. She made excuses that we couldn't live on the street.... told her that living on the street would have been better than being mentally and physically abused.... that making me live with my abuser for 10 years after being abused was abuse.... that worrying about her son being taken away and not getting justice when I first told her at 10.... was abuse.
The truth is out.... yet I still didn't get the sorry or I never really thought of that... I got the answers that hurt and that I assumed were the reasons... I thought it would be a relief that I said it all..... but, it didn't get the outcome I hoped. So, I'm still going to struggle with her denial.... her excuses.... BUT, what hurt the most is that she said SHE was abuse by my real father for 3 years (being beat) and she stayed with him so I could have a home and food.... I told her that.... it's not the same.... I was a child that didn't have a choice... she was adult that did..... that had a voice and could ask for help. I didn't. I didn't ask to be born or to have this life or for her to choose the man she chose. She is a Mom that was to be there to protect me from people like that. She failed...... that she didn't get rid of him until 19 years later.... that it wasn't until I moved out did they divorce... and the main reason was his cheating!!!! Drinking and doing drugs towards the last 5 years of them being together... it wasn't for my abuse but, for her own reasons. That she had a home, car, and a well paying job to be on her own.... I told her that we would never be okay after this..... that it will always be fake now... That how dare her ask me at 29 years old after 19 years of silence bring up my abuse with my Step Father to get him in trouble because he had called my brother a bitch to a fellow softball team mate of my brothers..... I told her how dare she ask that of me and think it was okay.... that she thought it was okay.... that it was the right thing to do cause his feelings were hurt and his rep was tarnished by his father's word to some guy he sees 2 times a week for a hour or two on a softball field!!!! How low was that??? To get justice over a word and not that of my childhood and of my body..... I said it!!! I felt good. Cause it had bothered me for 8 months or so.... since she had said that to me over the phone I struggled with the way she thought of me and that of my brothers self worth.... I will dwell over this for a while.... it will bother me... I still believe I need to sit down and talk with my hubby. That maybe a little loving conversation between him and I.... I will get the support I so deserve. Since he is the only one that will ever be there for me. I am stronger because I have him... I am so proud of who he is and how he treats me. He is why I live with a smile on my face every day... he gave me two great kids that make me so very happy.... But, I do take this from my Mom.... I will never do the things she did. My children will be protected from predators!!!
Replies
Your story is sad but inspiring. You\'ve been through so much but you still hold your head up. I wish I could hug you in person. One women to another, one survivor to another, I wish you the very best. You\'re worth so much more my dear. Hugs to you.
Your story is sad but inspiring. You\'ve been through so much but you still hold your head up. I wish I could hug you in person. One women to another, one survivor to another, I wish you the very best. You\'re worth so much more my dear. Hugs to you.
Your story is sad but inspiring. You\'ve been through so much but you still hold your head up. I wish I could hug you in person. One women to another, one survivor to another, I wish you the very best. You\'re worth so much more my dear. Hugs to you.