I caved and POAS: BFN
After feeling so crappy last night, I decided I couldn't hold out anymore, so I POAS at 6am this morning. BFN. I am devastated even though I kinda expected it. It was still torture to see only one pink line. I know it sounds silly, but I brought the stick super close to my eyes to make sure there wasn't a faint line that I just couldn't see (though something tells me at least one of you if not many, have done this). Nope, just one thick, dark pink line. I know my odds are slim, and I know there were no guarantees and blah blah all that other stuff, but somehow I still hoped I might just get lucky for once in this process and get a BFP with my first FET. Although we are not giving up and will do another FET, we only have 2 left and so these have to count. It's really hitting me hard right now that this might just not happen. Ever. And I am drowning in a puddle of my own tears. Beta is tomorrow but that's just gonna be a waste of time now (even though there's a tiny part of me that is hoping the HPT is wrong; denial is so much easier!)
Happy fucking Independence day to me. Hope you are all enjoying your 4th of July and doing well!!! xoxo
Happy fucking Independence day to me. Hope you are all enjoying your 4th of July and doing well!!! xoxo
Replies
I\'m so sorry.....BFP\'s suck
Crap! Typo! BFN\'s suck!!! Although BFP\'s aren\'t so great when they\'re not yours, lol.
I am so sorry! Big hug
I\'m so sorry. I\'ve also held the stick close with hope.
I\'m so sorry girl :( I have done that too with making sure there wasn\'t a faint pink line. I sent pics to all my sisters to make sure. Sending love and prayers your way!
Oh, I am so sorry. My heart sinks when I see only one line. (And I always look close to double check.) Huge hugs.
I am so so sorry. BFNs are devastating. I wish I could give you a big hug. I do think you will have your BFP with one of the 2 transfers you have left. Take the time to mourn this cycle and do something special for yourself today. When can you cycle again? Do you have to wait a month or can you do back to back?
I\'m so sorry, hun. And even more sorry that I posted what I posted on the same day. :( I feel terrible. Maybe the HPT is wrong, and your beta will be positive. It can happen! And if it doesn\'t, hang in there sister! You just gotta try again! I\'m sending all my baby dust your way, darlin.
I am so sorry hun. BFNs suck! I am hoping your next FET brings more joy!
And no you are not alone looking super close at a stick hoping maybe the closer it is to your eyes the more likely there will be a faint light line.
So sorry!! Big hugs!!
XO
Very very sorry.....I hate the bitch that is infertility!!!
I\'m so sorry. I think I\'ve looked at sticks in every light at every angle at every distance. IF sucks, there\'s nothing else to say.
I just wish I could come to NY and hug you.
Thank you all for helping me get through this. I swear I don\'t think I would be able to handle any of this without all of you wonderful ladies. After spending the morning crying, I think DH was worried I was going to drown so we took a drive to a quaint town upstate on the Hudson river and spent the afternoon there. It was the perfect distraction although I\'m still pretty upset. I\'m trying to focus on the next FET and will ask at tomorrow\'s beta if we can jump right in and do it next cycle. Hope you all enjoyed your 4th of July!
HUGS. Ohhhh hon I\'m soooo sorry to hear this news ;(
I\'m so sorry for the disappointment. I know \"disappointment\" doesn\'t even begin to capture it. I too have done what you and other women here describe. Scrutinizing the pregnancy test like I have microscope eyes. Holding it in different lights. \"imagining\" I see a plus sign........ugh. And then just wanting to whip the whole thing across the room and see it shatter into pieces. So frustrating. We are here for you. I am glad that you got away and out into \"nature\" this afternoon....even if for just a temporary distraction. Thinking of you.