I cannot take this...

 Ok, first off, I am completely off the meds.  I had slowly weaned myself off the Xanax and was fine. I had simply reverted to my "normal" sleep pattern of sleeping until about 3 am or so and then getting up and being up for an hour or more before returning to bed.  I then simply stopped taking the Pristiq (anti depressant), about a week before the unveiling of Barry's headstone.  With regard to the unveiling:  I had very little to do with it. This was because I wanted as little to do with his parents, sibs, and daughters as possible. So, no one bothered to ask me what I wanted with regard to the unveiling.  There were many people there. I had not anticipated that. I thought it would be a small simple affair for just the immediate and close extended family and very close friends. Well, my in laws had invited ALL their friends from the bungalow colony to come down with them!  It was a bit overwhelming for me. Especially since I had not seen these people all summer due to my being unwelcome at the bungalow colony by my inlaws. Furthermore, I had no idea what kind of vitriol they have been spewing about me to these people behind my back. So it was kind of awkward for me.  At the end of the ceremony Rivky came to me in tears asking me to hold her. Strange stuff from a girl who wanted to hit me two weeks before.   Barry's ex wife was there as well, and I truly did not want her there. She is such a BITCH, suing me for what Barry did not leave.   After the unveiling my SIL had invited everyone to her place for lunch, including me. Under NORMAL circumstances I would have had everyone come to me but I do not want them NEAR me. I, of course, declined the invitation but I encouraged my daughter to go with her husband and son. They did. Afterwards she told me that they invited her and Jon to go upstate to the bungalow colony for Shabbat. She told me she wanted to go. I told her that I would not tell her what to do but that if she went I would be very hurt and betrayed. I told her that they were really chutzpahdig to invite them knowing full well that I cannot go too as I am unwelcome, and knowing full well that MY time with Chloe and Jon is very limited and that if they went up, they would leave me alone and deprive me of time with them and my grandson.   She declined the invitation but was upset.   Then, today, I received another package of legal docs. This one from Barry's daughters suing to have me removed as adminstrator of the estate and to replace me with Barry's two sisters -- stating that they can be more objective than I can!!!   Very funny -- in an email exchange I had with Barry's sister Karen she told me that she feels she can be objective, but then two sentences later she states that she does not beleive that the kids needs are being considered. Which is bullshit. I have not done ANYTHING yet. I have not dipsosed of anything, I have not sold anything, I have not distributed anything.  These kids are such bitches. I even gave them each $1800 that I could ill afford to give, as a gift, statement of goodwill, good intentions. What a crock that was. How stupid I was.  All these years, all that I did for them, all that I did for their father, all that I spent on them, for what?  This is how they repay me?  B-I-T-C-H-E-S!!!!!!!!! I made Chloe read the papers from the girls suing to remove me as adminstator. I told her "Lest you think your "sisters" are such lovely people, you should read this and think again...". She did read it and she agreed with me. She can no longer be friendly with them. Now, not only have I lost my husband, and not only have I lost his family, but my daughter also lost her stepfather and his whole family as well. This is very hard on her.   I am so upset and I am so scared. I know my lawyer tells me they can fight for all this but they will not win it all, but still -- it scares me because whatever they win will leave me up shits creek -- and they do not care. They will be happy even if no one gets anything (except the lawyers) because then they can blame me for it.  SHIT SHIT SHIT.... I have been trying not to be angry with my husband for this, but I am. I TOLD him he needed to write a will. HE said no, because the law is clear, as his wife I get everything. Why should he have listened to me???  STUPID STUPID STUPID man.    How could he have done this to me???  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.