I can't wait until NYE

I feel kind of lost. I feel like I spend so much of my energy trying to hold myself together. With a sense of value for myself and others.

Then little things happen like a lady in the parking lot slammed on her horn because I didn't see her driving behind me.

I mean - it's a not a big deal - it just set me off - irritated and embarrassed me. Accidents happen - no big deal.

But I came back to this house and just felt unwelcome. The dynamics here kind of made me feel just disregarded.

I can't 'buy into' these kinds of feelings, as my Dad once put it. I don't know if you guys feel it - but times are so strange.

People seem strange. I don't know how to think about myself and feel good and motivated to battle on. I guess that's it really.

I need to lick my wounds - and try not to let life convince me that I am a worthless sack of s---. I love my friends and my family and the folks here. Maybe I am indulging a bit. I'll be alright. I can't wait until NYE. I know I shouldn't say it - but I am really looking forward to drinking myself into a stupor. 2016 has been so strange - and 2017 kind of freaks me out too. Ok - ENOUGH BLUBBERING!! Cha cha cha! xo Mark