I Can See Clearly Now
Throughout my life God has always let me know when a great change is about to occur. And so He did two years ago. Now, I look at my life and very little is left to remind me of my old life.
Some of the changes:
My stepdaughter and I are super close
My husband has transitioned
I discovered that my father does not love me.
I discovered that it didn't matter if my father didn't love me.
And, I'm buying a house.
I can read in Spanish a little
Now that's what you call major changes.
Looking at my list, I see happiness and sadness. It's certainly good that my step-daughter and I enjoy a wonderful relationship. But I wish my husband were here to see it. And my father, well I wish for the man I imagined him to be. I've come to know that I created a person who never existed. Now, I've come to terms with that. It really doesn't matter if he loves me or not. It matters only that God loves me. And that much I know.
So, I have my wonderful Father in heaven and he guided me to getting a house. A house is something I never wanted. I enjoy the comfort of apartments--of knowing that everything is cared for and you always know what you're expected to spend. Now I see the true reason I loved apartments is the freedom to just get up and walk away when you want to. Doesn't take a psychiatrist for me to know that my father is the root of that. But the house is something that will offer me security. I'll pay it off and live rent free when I'm old and gray. And that means a comfortable retirement. I should have done it sooner. My poor husband tried to tell me that, but I can be stubborn when I want to be.
Anyhow, I'm really enjoying life. Yesterday I had my cataract surgery and today I'm reading out of the eye without glasses. Truly weird since I've been wearing glasses over twenty-five years. One more surgery and I'll have normal vision.
So, that's it for now.
Some of the changes:
My stepdaughter and I are super close
My husband has transitioned
I discovered that my father does not love me.
I discovered that it didn't matter if my father didn't love me.
And, I'm buying a house.
I can read in Spanish a little
Now that's what you call major changes.
Looking at my list, I see happiness and sadness. It's certainly good that my step-daughter and I enjoy a wonderful relationship. But I wish my husband were here to see it. And my father, well I wish for the man I imagined him to be. I've come to know that I created a person who never existed. Now, I've come to terms with that. It really doesn't matter if he loves me or not. It matters only that God loves me. And that much I know.
So, I have my wonderful Father in heaven and he guided me to getting a house. A house is something I never wanted. I enjoy the comfort of apartments--of knowing that everything is cared for and you always know what you're expected to spend. Now I see the true reason I loved apartments is the freedom to just get up and walk away when you want to. Doesn't take a psychiatrist for me to know that my father is the root of that. But the house is something that will offer me security. I'll pay it off and live rent free when I'm old and gray. And that means a comfortable retirement. I should have done it sooner. My poor husband tried to tell me that, but I can be stubborn when I want to be.
Anyhow, I'm really enjoying life. Yesterday I had my cataract surgery and today I'm reading out of the eye without glasses. Truly weird since I've been wearing glasses over twenty-five years. One more surgery and I'll have normal vision.
So, that's it for now.
Replies
Tru I very happy for you. I wish you continued success and keep on enjoying life now. I pray you have peace of mind. Edie
Best wishes in your new home and also in the future with the blessingsd you will find God has bestowed on you every day. Sharon
progress had been made..wishing you the very best..blessings, Linda
You certainly have gone through many changes and come out of it in one piece. I am glad for the good things. At least you know where you stand with you unloving earthly dad.
I am forced to go through changes after Smokey died. I have no choice. It is not the ones I wanted to make for myself at all.
I have one grandson who just turned one today. Lisa (my daughter) and I are going out for lunch to celebrate Tyson\'s 1st birthday. I am looking forward to it.
I have to make up my decision about Dave. It is the drinking that is coming between us. Without the drinking, we would have a rock solid relationship. The drinking is what is going to break us up. I am not alone in making decisions about relationships. My girlfriend Carol is doing the same thing about hers. There is patterns in relationships with the opposite sex. Carol and I sat down to look at the pattern in our dating, ex-spouses, ex-boyfriends etc. and see the patterns that have come from them. We seem to be making the same mistake over and over again. We both need to change that is for certain. It is hard.
I am distressed over my financial situation. I have had no job offer yet but am getting out those resumes and going for the interviews. It think it is because I am over 50 years of age and there is disrimination in the receptionist or front desk person role.
I am sure these will work out. I am enjoying my grandson a lot and feel honored that I get to babysit on a regular basis so I have gotten to know him a lot. I am happy about it. Tyson is the bright spot in my life.
All the best and I know we are in God\'s hands who has or will work all these things out as long as we trust in Him from Diane B.
Wonderful growth post and good on you girl! :) Congrats on all your milestones! And I\'m sure your hubby is blessed to see the closeness you share with the daughter. Hugs, D
Yet another positive post...so helpful to others that are still struggling with all the changes that occur after losing a spouse...so happy for you that you are in a good place..Hugs, Ellen