I am truely alone
I don't know why this is just now hitting me but today it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I'm alone. I have no one that cares for me or I can call. My family lives in another state.
My family was my wife and kids. I still have my kids but they are kids. I have no one to talk to or sleep next to me or have lunch with or anything. I have myself and a big house. Instead of living for the weekend I will be living for every other week with my kids. This is no way to live.
I'm not a social person. I don't do well in groups. I tend to be the one left to the side.
I cant kick this depression. It is really bad today.
I keep asking why but there are no answers. I have never lived alone. I'm 44 years old and I have either lived at home, was in the army, or was married. There was no real single life. I cannot see this ending well.
I'm alone. I have no one that cares for me or I can call. My family lives in another state.
My family was my wife and kids. I still have my kids but they are kids. I have no one to talk to or sleep next to me or have lunch with or anything. I have myself and a big house. Instead of living for the weekend I will be living for every other week with my kids. This is no way to live.
I'm not a social person. I don't do well in groups. I tend to be the one left to the side.
I cant kick this depression. It is really bad today.
I keep asking why but there are no answers. I have never lived alone. I'm 44 years old and I have either lived at home, was in the army, or was married. There was no real single life. I cannot see this ending well.
Replies
I know how that feels. I\'m an introvert and I spent the last 5 years focusing on my wife/kid and the house. I also work from home, so I have no in-person colleagues to interact with.
It is scary sometimes when I think about how much time I spend alone in a given day. I can go a whole day without speaking to anyone!
In \"normal\" times I don\'t mind having time alone. I enjoy it. And I have some hobbies that I enjoy on my own - guitar playing, for example. But... now, it all seems so different. Alone time that I might have enjoyed now feels like - I don\'t know, like I\'m socially inept or something. Like I\'m pathetic, being alone all the time.
If I look at myself objectively, I think I do alright when forced into social situations. But I feel uncomfortable and always feel like I\'m \"forcing it\". I have a lot to work on as far as getting more comfortable being social with people.
The standard suggestion to people in your/my situation is to get out and do more things. Pick up a new activity, hobby, charity work - anything that gets you out and interacting with people. I have done a little of this, but I need to step it up some more. It\'s not easy. And building new friendships takes time. It is probably a multi-year effort (looking at my own scenario) to build up a bigger social network and make some new friends.
So I understand completely where you\'re coming from. And I know how hard it is for an introverted person to just go \"make new friends\" and \"meet new people\"! I also know that feeling of depression/despair where you tell yourself you need to get out and do these things but you have NO desire whatsoever to go do it - you would rather just crawl in a hole and hide away.
My advice to you is also my advice to me. Do try to get out and do more things, but realize that it\'s going to be a slow process. Don\'t beat yourself up too much when you fail - when you can\'t motivate to get out and you just want to hide away. As long as you get out sometimes, somewhere - you are making a bit of progress. At the same time, try to embrace being alone. Look at the positive aspects: the way you own your time, the freedom it gives you to do whatever you want. Search for that sense of inner peace and serenity that you can only get, alone. Go for a hike to some beautiful place and spend an hour sitting, looking, thinking. Get philosophical and think about the world, the universe, people, yourself, and how they all relate. Sometimes I\'m actually able to laugh at myself a little bit. Just one tiny human whose problems seem SO OVERWHELMINGLY BAD when of course in the grand scheme of things they are not.
I hope that helps a little. I think all this stuff hits introverts harder - because we tend to have fewer, stronger relationships with other people and we know very well that they are not formed quickly or easily. It just takes effort. And time. And while working on getting out a bit more, you can work on finding peace being alone. I\'ll be doing the same work. Good luck to us both!
Thanks. I don\'t know why but I am so depressed today. I want my family back so bad. I would give anything for it.
Im glad im not alone and I thank you for your replies they really help me.