I am Stuck...
I am stuck with my PTSD. That is what the therapist coined as my current state. I won't (her wording) move forward and that is because I think that moving forward would alleviate my guilt from PTSD. I'm stuck with guilt and self-incrimination. I think moving forward will excuse everything from the PTSD. How do I keep my guilt and move forward? How do I give up the guilt and forgive myself?
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Have you ever done DBT therapy? It helped me a TON with this! I also did prolonged exposure therapy the combo is best thing i ever did for myself! Very hard but well worth it, i have very few bad PTSD times now! Struggling a bit right nwo but not like i have in the past! Life is so much better now other than my dads cancer
Angela - I am in the middle of prolonged exposure therapy. We have been working this for about the last 15 sessions. Each session has been very difficult. I am not sure I am making much progress. I’m stuck and I can’t seem to move forward.
I had a similar conversation with my cousin yesterday. The past and how we feel about it, is of little consequence...no matter how much we enjoy it or agonize over it or ruminate on it - there is no way to do it differently, no way to change it, no way to go back to it. I am sure that you have heard these before.....and I know they are cliques, please just take a moment to open your mind and to really hear them and see if they can change, shift your perception at all. Perhaps it is a bit hookey.......would you try to just write each one out and then write what it makes you feel, what it means to you when you say them. See if you can't find a bit of inspiration or a small shift in your mindset.
YESTERDAY IS HISTORY, TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY, BUT TODAY IS A GIFT THAT IS WHY WE CALL IT THE PRESENT.
TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED AND THE PAST IS OVER, ALL WE HAVE IS TODAY.
Who is it serving for you to keep your guilt? Who are you needing to "impress" by living in turmoil? God? Your past superiors? Yourself?
Your wife? Your friends? Your family? Whose life are you improving and making better by holding onto feeling badly?
There is nothing we can do about "yesterday" but learn from it and move on (cars have large windshields so we can see where we are going and small rearview mirrors because we are supposed to be focusing on where we are going and on what is going on right now, not on where we were).
I found this yesterday and it really helped with some of the things I am trying to deal with.
https://youtu.be/fVuYy4M3ymc
I live with the past all around me so I can't move forward. I still feel that I still deserve punishment for all of the problems I caused.
Thanks Julie
Thor, how long will you serve this self imposed sentence by the judge within you? You seem to view it as a life sentence with no parole. We cannot change our past, but we can begin to see it as chapters finished. With the information you had, you made the best decision possible. Later, with 20-20 hindsight, we can see other options, but if placed back in that moment a hundred times, we would still make the same decision, Wish you could ease up on being so hard on yourself. Hugs.
SimpsonsOK - Just about exactly what my therapist is saying.
How long in prison... until I can set it all right. I see nothing my the bars of my prison. So it is hard to imagine being free.
You are right on the 20-20 hindsight and what happened was normal and I was instructed to do those actions. I had no indication that anything was wrong.
I see the therapist in an hour or so. I gave her a copy of this post and a few PMs. Thank you to everyone who is helping.
As we all know forgiveness if for us not for anyone else. I would try and work on forgiving for you and no one else. It won't be easy, but when you finally do you will feel relieve and will be able to feel free. I am not sure what your religion is, but I would read my Bible and learn how to forgive from Jesus and God. Don't give up Thor you CAN do it. Don't allow a human to tell you what you CAN nor CANNOT do. You are strong and will soon get passed this. I listen to www.air1.com or sosradio.net and the music helps heal your soul.