I am so very lonely without my Smokey. How do you do it living alone?
I am so very lonely without my Smokey. How do you do it live alone? Weekends were our time to do errands and kick up our heels. It's not the same. I don't want to make a mistake by getting involved with the first man that is after me. I am at a vulnerable and lonely time. It is easy to satisfy the loneliness with just anyone. I don't want just anyone. I want to take my time, take it slow and steady, watch and observe and see what happens. I don't have the foggiest idea of what I am talking about. I am throwing things into the wind here.
I met both my ex-husband and late-husband at bars. I don't want to do it again. Ideally, I would like a christian man. Neither Gary the ex or Smokey went to church. It is important to me. I never had that with any of my relationships. It would be interesting this time around. Although my brother Don pointed something out that stays with me. It is harder to find a christian man than picking someone out at a bar. It is true. How do people meet? Smokey and I have been asked that by twenty years olds. Not everyone meets in church or in bars. There are many ways to meet the opposite sex. I guess I have to follow my own advice.such as if you do what you like and enjoy, along the way you might find someone that has similar tastes like you. Be yourself as you are good just the way you are and anyone would be lucky to have you. It is true. I should swallow this advice as well. You just want to not feel the horrible feelings again. You miss your spouse so much. Why can't you find someone like them again? Why or why not? Am I judging every guy that I meet up the standard of Smokey? Probably. I think it is a natural thing when you lose your spouse/partner.
I have made mini mistakes but nothing huge so far. You might not consider them mistakes. Yesterday Don and I were at the Richmond Station Bar as their beer is cheaper than compared to other bars. We get a jug of the station beer for $10. I was asking one of the regulars about their black hat. I used to always see him in a red hat. We got to talking and I am good at asking questions. His name is Craig and asked me if I was flirting with him. I said yes, no or I don't know maybe. I don't want to but maybe the questions I ask are personal but not too personal. I am not after him at all. I wonder how I come across at times but on the other hand I don't care cause I am going to be me and no one else. I did flirt with Bill at Legends Bar. I still have a small interest in Bill but nothing has happend and I avoided Legends Bar for 3 weeks because of it. I just felt disloyal to Smokey but then worked it out in my own head and I fine with it now. With a grandchild, I have to get my act together. I am more open now to a new relationship than I was in May. What relationship and where are the good guys?
I can't take everything my brother Dons say to me to heart. He thinks one way and I think the opposite. He said if he was a girl, he would be showing off his breast. I am thinking what kind of guy would you be attracting - not my kind.
At church I was thinking it would be nice to have a group of friends to hang out with as I have a few friends with lives of their own. Your friends are not always available to do stuff with you when they have lives of their own. I guess most people are that way as well. We all have lives of our own. Mine life is quite empty at the moment. I could get a hobby but don't want to knit or crochet or make jewelry. I like reading but it costs money to buy books.
I have changed my life a wee bit. I am sleeping 7 - 8 hours. I do my own exercises at home and try to walk for half hour 3 days per week. I am trying to eat healthy involving more fruits and vegetables in my diet, drinking soy milk etc. I still don't make my own meals. I live off TV dinners, which are not always the healthiest. I can't muster up the courage to buy the meat and cook it at home. I have always been used to cooking for Smokey and freezing the left overs.
Today I just have the need to vent out all my frustrations. In the end, I wish I had my life back with Smokey. It wasn't the best and it wasn't the worst but it was our lives together that made it right. Will I ever have a right relationship/companionship again? Poor Diane who is in a pity pot at the moment.
From Diane
I met both my ex-husband and late-husband at bars. I don't want to do it again. Ideally, I would like a christian man. Neither Gary the ex or Smokey went to church. It is important to me. I never had that with any of my relationships. It would be interesting this time around. Although my brother Don pointed something out that stays with me. It is harder to find a christian man than picking someone out at a bar. It is true. How do people meet? Smokey and I have been asked that by twenty years olds. Not everyone meets in church or in bars. There are many ways to meet the opposite sex. I guess I have to follow my own advice.such as if you do what you like and enjoy, along the way you might find someone that has similar tastes like you. Be yourself as you are good just the way you are and anyone would be lucky to have you. It is true. I should swallow this advice as well. You just want to not feel the horrible feelings again. You miss your spouse so much. Why can't you find someone like them again? Why or why not? Am I judging every guy that I meet up the standard of Smokey? Probably. I think it is a natural thing when you lose your spouse/partner.
I have made mini mistakes but nothing huge so far. You might not consider them mistakes. Yesterday Don and I were at the Richmond Station Bar as their beer is cheaper than compared to other bars. We get a jug of the station beer for $10. I was asking one of the regulars about their black hat. I used to always see him in a red hat. We got to talking and I am good at asking questions. His name is Craig and asked me if I was flirting with him. I said yes, no or I don't know maybe. I don't want to but maybe the questions I ask are personal but not too personal. I am not after him at all. I wonder how I come across at times but on the other hand I don't care cause I am going to be me and no one else. I did flirt with Bill at Legends Bar. I still have a small interest in Bill but nothing has happend and I avoided Legends Bar for 3 weeks because of it. I just felt disloyal to Smokey but then worked it out in my own head and I fine with it now. With a grandchild, I have to get my act together. I am more open now to a new relationship than I was in May. What relationship and where are the good guys?
I can't take everything my brother Dons say to me to heart. He thinks one way and I think the opposite. He said if he was a girl, he would be showing off his breast. I am thinking what kind of guy would you be attracting - not my kind.
At church I was thinking it would be nice to have a group of friends to hang out with as I have a few friends with lives of their own. Your friends are not always available to do stuff with you when they have lives of their own. I guess most people are that way as well. We all have lives of our own. Mine life is quite empty at the moment. I could get a hobby but don't want to knit or crochet or make jewelry. I like reading but it costs money to buy books.
I have changed my life a wee bit. I am sleeping 7 - 8 hours. I do my own exercises at home and try to walk for half hour 3 days per week. I am trying to eat healthy involving more fruits and vegetables in my diet, drinking soy milk etc. I still don't make my own meals. I live off TV dinners, which are not always the healthiest. I can't muster up the courage to buy the meat and cook it at home. I have always been used to cooking for Smokey and freezing the left overs.
Today I just have the need to vent out all my frustrations. In the end, I wish I had my life back with Smokey. It wasn't the best and it wasn't the worst but it was our lives together that made it right. Will I ever have a right relationship/companionship again? Poor Diane who is in a pity pot at the moment.
From Diane
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