I am so sad at home - out is a different story. Why?

I am so sad at home and miss Smokey so much.  When I go out I seem like I am a different person.  Why?  I don't understand.  It is going on 6 months on the 15th of May.  At times, I am utterly desolated or devastated with the loss of Smokey and don't know how I can carry on any more.  At other times, when I am out with my friends and family, I appear happy and ready to move on in my life.  I flirt with the opposite sex.  I am not ready for another relationship but could use a male friend for now.  Today I am at home and did not go out.  I feel my loss of Smokey more when I am at home alone.  This makes sense.  When I am out with friends or family, I am distracted by what is going on around me.  I still ache so very much with the loss of my Smokey.  I don't look at the photo albums.  I glance at the picture of Smokey and I that is sitting on the dresser beside our bed.  Eventually and it is my dream, I want a complete new bedroom set, new livingroom couch with chair, small coffee table and throw carpet and new TV/entertainment unit.  I would love new kitchen and bathroom lights and the holes fixed up to look great.  These are all dreams of mine depending on money.  It all comes down to the money.  We shall see.  All the best and I hope everyone has a great Wednesday.