I AM SO NOT OKAY!

11-21/22-09:  It is VERY late/early depending on how you look at it.  I miss Scott so badly I can hardly stand it!  I seem to be okay for a bit and then I just tumble totally back!  My heart still hurts so much! Tonight Adam went to Melissa's home to get a couch & chair.  Melissa's mom & dad got a new one.  Anyway, Melissa's mom sent a scarf/hat/glove set, home with Adam, to give to me.  It was a set I gave to her just the Christmas before she passed away.  She thought I should have it.  It made me so sad!  I am barely processing Scott's death.  I don't think I have even begun to process Melissa's!  My itty-bitty Tinkerbell is gone.  I know this.  But, I just don't think I really "know" it.  And now, Adam has another girlfriend named Melissa!  She is a sweetheart but not my "Tink". Maybe it is the holidays, maybe it is that I have'nt had my anti-depressent in two days, maybe it is just that it just doesn't make sense.  I don't know!  All I really know is that I feel awful!    And, more than that, I feel awful as a friend.  I have not been in contact with any of my friends.  Oh, I have forwarded a few e-mails...but, I have not really been in contact.  I am just BLAH!   I guess I just want a little cheese with my whine!