I Am Really Upset!!
First off, to any Jehovah Witness's who read this, no offence is intended to you, I'm angry at this one particular woman. The fact that she happens to be a Jehovah doesn't put any bearing on my feelings toward the religion or it's people.
Now, my mother has always had faith in a 'higher power' though she has never put a label on it. We kids are all baptized Lutherns, and while my dad was alive we attended church regularily. When he died, my mum started working three jobs to keep us from homelessness, church was no longer an option, but she always held out there was that higher power looking out for her(she is a 12 stepper in case the higher power thing didn't tip you off)
Recentley she has started meeting with this Jehovah Witness lady, and she is really getting into the religion. Once a week they meet and discuss the Book of Jehovah(if that's what its called, if not, pardon my ignorance) and talk about the religion and such. Mum is always telling me little tidbits she learns, and on occasion I do bite my tongue and just smile, but it is her belief, and I won't squash it.
When I came out as an athiest my mum supported the crap out of me. She publicly defended me, she encouraged me not to back down when people called me names and told me Hell was my final destination, she hugged me when I came home crying after a kid at school told me that if I was an athiest then my bastard father should be glad he was dead. If it wasn't for her, I may still be going to church and hating myself for lying to all the people and myself.
I hadn't met this lady she was meeting with but today I went over their a little earlier then planned and caught them at the end of their session. The lady started talking to me, feeling me out, and I told her the truth.
I am an athiest.
Her face would of been hysterical if not for the words. She told me that if I didn't have faith in the Greater Being that I was unfit for motherhood. That my daughter would only suffer at my hands and be tainted by a childhood of evils and uneduction. She actually told me that my daughter should be taken from me and put in a good family!
I was furious, and when the lady left I turned to my mum and said 'can you believe that woman?'
And my mum, worded carefully albeit, told me that the lady was somewhat right! She told me I would never be the best mum I could be until I welcomed God and his Son into my life.
That really hurt. I felt like my mum had been poisoned(once again, no offence intended). Where was the woman who supported me in my choice to let people know my beliefs? Where was the woman who told me as long as I was happy, that was all that mattered? Why, now, was the woman in front of me telling me that I wasn't good enough unless I embraced her Lord?
I let it drop, religion can cause irreprable rifts, and I don't want such a thing between my mother and I. But it really hurt to hear her say those things. That woman wasn't the first person to talk down to me, insult me, and scorn me because of my athiesm, so her words sort of flowed off of me.
But my mother.
And Marlow wasn't old enough to understand, but it made me think. What about when she is old enough? What do I tell her when she hears people tell me I am going to Hell, or that I am a Devil worshipper? I always assumed I would tell her that some people believe in different things then others, and each person has to make thier own choice. No one could make it for you. I've always held firm that if she shows an interest in God, I will personally take her to Sunday school. And I went to church long enough to be able to talk about religion with some knowledge. Plus, when I was seriously considering athiesm at about age ten, I read the bible front to back.
But what if that's not enough? What if it embarasses her that her mommy is so different? I know I am not the only non believer, but it seems like alot of people are scared to say that they don't believe. You get alot of 'I dunno, I think there is something.....' and 'Well, everything had to come from somewhere, so....' but not alot of people flat out say 'no, I don't believe, I believe in the here and now, not the there and what was or there and what will be'.
I know, I'm rambling. And once again, NO OFFENCE to anyone! I would never condemn someone for thier beliefs, I think it's an amazing thing, faith, it's just not for me. I'm just really hurt. I tried to bring it up that it hurt me and all my mum would say was that she is a different person now then she was back when she supported me.
Now, my mother has always had faith in a 'higher power' though she has never put a label on it. We kids are all baptized Lutherns, and while my dad was alive we attended church regularily. When he died, my mum started working three jobs to keep us from homelessness, church was no longer an option, but she always held out there was that higher power looking out for her(she is a 12 stepper in case the higher power thing didn't tip you off)
Recentley she has started meeting with this Jehovah Witness lady, and she is really getting into the religion. Once a week they meet and discuss the Book of Jehovah(if that's what its called, if not, pardon my ignorance) and talk about the religion and such. Mum is always telling me little tidbits she learns, and on occasion I do bite my tongue and just smile, but it is her belief, and I won't squash it.
When I came out as an athiest my mum supported the crap out of me. She publicly defended me, she encouraged me not to back down when people called me names and told me Hell was my final destination, she hugged me when I came home crying after a kid at school told me that if I was an athiest then my bastard father should be glad he was dead. If it wasn't for her, I may still be going to church and hating myself for lying to all the people and myself.
I hadn't met this lady she was meeting with but today I went over their a little earlier then planned and caught them at the end of their session. The lady started talking to me, feeling me out, and I told her the truth.
I am an athiest.
Her face would of been hysterical if not for the words. She told me that if I didn't have faith in the Greater Being that I was unfit for motherhood. That my daughter would only suffer at my hands and be tainted by a childhood of evils and uneduction. She actually told me that my daughter should be taken from me and put in a good family!
I was furious, and when the lady left I turned to my mum and said 'can you believe that woman?'
And my mum, worded carefully albeit, told me that the lady was somewhat right! She told me I would never be the best mum I could be until I welcomed God and his Son into my life.
That really hurt. I felt like my mum had been poisoned(once again, no offence intended). Where was the woman who supported me in my choice to let people know my beliefs? Where was the woman who told me as long as I was happy, that was all that mattered? Why, now, was the woman in front of me telling me that I wasn't good enough unless I embraced her Lord?
I let it drop, religion can cause irreprable rifts, and I don't want such a thing between my mother and I. But it really hurt to hear her say those things. That woman wasn't the first person to talk down to me, insult me, and scorn me because of my athiesm, so her words sort of flowed off of me.
But my mother.
And Marlow wasn't old enough to understand, but it made me think. What about when she is old enough? What do I tell her when she hears people tell me I am going to Hell, or that I am a Devil worshipper? I always assumed I would tell her that some people believe in different things then others, and each person has to make thier own choice. No one could make it for you. I've always held firm that if she shows an interest in God, I will personally take her to Sunday school. And I went to church long enough to be able to talk about religion with some knowledge. Plus, when I was seriously considering athiesm at about age ten, I read the bible front to back.
But what if that's not enough? What if it embarasses her that her mommy is so different? I know I am not the only non believer, but it seems like alot of people are scared to say that they don't believe. You get alot of 'I dunno, I think there is something.....' and 'Well, everything had to come from somewhere, so....' but not alot of people flat out say 'no, I don't believe, I believe in the here and now, not the there and what was or there and what will be'.
I know, I'm rambling. And once again, NO OFFENCE to anyone! I would never condemn someone for thier beliefs, I think it's an amazing thing, faith, it's just not for me. I'm just really hurt. I tried to bring it up that it hurt me and all my mum would say was that she is a different person now then she was back when she supported me.
Replies
I know that we all have questions like that - that we feel will need answering at one time or another with our children. I\'m a Christian and have been my entire life. I\'m raising my children in the Christian faith (Protestant) but I\'m sure that there will be questions that will need answering and I\'ll do the best I can with the information that I have at the time... which is what we all do.
As far as that lady... let me just say that she was very inappropriate! That\'s her personal opinion and having just me you very much over steps her boundaries. On the other side... your mother may have her opinion as well but until she decides what she belives or what she\'s trying to \"influence\" you into believing she needs to keep her mouth shut because she had her opportunity to raise you in the beliefs that she wanted you to have.
Sorry if I overstepped my bounds in saying so. I just feel badly for you that you are experiencing such awful things from your mother. :(
It was just so crazy. My mom was never like that. She has always supported me in everything, no matter how dumb it was in hindsight. It\'s almost like this lady is brainwashing her, and I feel terrible for saying that.
Another example. My mother has a very close friend who is a lesbian. We(her kids) are also friends with another woman who recentley broke up with her wife and they are going through a custody battle. My mother has always been open and supportive of them. She went to the one girls wedding! And the other day she informs me that she thinks its wrong and a mortal sin for man to lay with man or woman to lay with woman. Granted, that IS what the bible says, but she\'s lived 54 years of her life thinking it was fine. Why would she change her mind like that in just six short months? And condemn people while she is commiting many \'sins\' that her new religion doesn\'t tolerate as well?
I\'m freaking out a little. Lol. My mum raised as the best she could, as Lutherns. I proclaimed athiesm, my little sister was rebaptized as a mormon, my brother says he believes in God but not organized religion, and my big sister is just rediscovering God after her battle with addiction. We are all individuals, and we all chose our own paths, and I\'m glad my mum is finding hers. But it scares me that she is getting SO judgmental, SO fast when before she was one of the most tolerant people I knew!
She is saying it now because she was a non-believer and now she is a believer and wants to do what others tell her she should do (maybe i\'m wrong, but it\'s something a lot of new believers do instead of thinking for themselves). I am a Christian. As an example of my thoughts: I believe that sleeping with anyone that you\'re not married to is a sin, but it\'s also none of my business. I will never tell someone that they are doing something bad (except my kids of course). My father in law is gay and lives with his partner in the house my husband grew up in. I have no problems with them, going around either of them or staying with them, etc. When my kids start to understand what\'s going on, I\'ll tell them what I believe, including the part where we have no right to judge. As a Christian, it is one of my jobs to love others. If I\'m too busy looking down my nose at someone who might be doing something wrong, how will I ever take the time to love them? It\'s also my job to tell others about God and his Son, and to set a good example, not to tell someone they\'ll go to hell if they don\'t change/believe/whatever. I have my own sins to deal with! I really hope your mom sees how it affects you and tries to be more understanding. I wish I could tell you how to deal with her, but I have family that do the same and I just avoid religion with them too. As for that woman, she\'s nuts. I think you are a good mom, trying hard. You have to do what you think is right. Your child will have opportunities to learn about religion even if you don\'t teach her yourself. Teach her basic things like not telling lies or stealing and you\'re doing better than half the \"Christian\" parents out there!
Oh, and it\'s not a personal attack if you\'re not married!! I just realized you might take that the wrong way! I love you no matter what your marital status is ;)
I hope you\'re feeling better!
I\'m so sorry that you are having these troubles. That had to be hard to swallow, especially coming from your own mother. To be honest, I don\'t really have any advice for you on the matter. I would however let her know how much her words/feelings hurt you and try to avoid religion discussions in the future. I was also raised in a Lutheran Church, until my parents just stopped going when I was about 13-14. I then started going with friends to their churces, and that\'s when I really started questioning my own faith. My husband and I believe similar to what you said about your brother. There is no doubt that we both believe in One God overall, but we don\'t care for organized religion. My hubby had a completely different upbringing from me though. He was born in Bangladesh and raised as a Muslim and didn\'t move here until he was 15yrs old. Anywho, I\'m lucky in that I don\'t have to deal with crap from my parents at all, or even my MIL (who was raised Roman Catholic and converted to Islam when she married at 16). My FIL in law however, is a different story. He\'s a different species really.
I hope your mom realizes that if she continues this way, your relationship is going to take a major toll. And I don\'t mean practicing her new found faith, I just don\'t believe anyone has the right to talk to others like that, regardless of your faith, or lack thereof.
Thanks guys. I have told her how it makes me feel, and she just said that she\'s changing who she is, and I\'ll have to cope with it until she is comfortable settled in her new beliefs. My mum always believed in God, but she never really put a religion to her faith. My father was a devout Luthern, that\'s why she went. He told my mum once that if anything ever happened to him he wanted his kids to continue going to church. The hardest thing for me to deal with when I gave up my faith was my dead father\'s wish. I bawled endlessly about it. I even attempted Luthern Youth Group when I was about fourteen and already proclaimed athiesm. Just in case my mind could be changed. But it didn\'t work.
My Grandma used to be very hoity toity when it came to religion. When I got my one and only tattoo she told me I was going to hell. When my Grandpa died I think she took a long, hard look at her relationship with her family. And now she is WAY better, I actually enjoy spending time with my Grandma now. My mum is turning into what my Grandma used to be. And my dad is already gone, so I don\'t know if she will have an earth shaking eye opener.
I am almost tempted to mock her faith. Just so she get\'s a dose of bad feelings coming from me. But I can\'t....she raised me better then that! Tolerance was huge in our house! My sister, her own daughter, is bisexual, so she has had \'girlfriends\' and my mum was fine with that. We were punished if we ever pointed out someones disability, or defect, or even manner of dress in a negative way. I remember my little sister once made fun of a Hutterite, and my mum took her over and made her apologize, even though the man hadn\'t heard. My sister remembered that, and she\'s not one to make quick mean comments anymore. I can\'t give my mum a dose of what she\'s giving me, because it\'s been ingrained in me not too.
I told her that as long as Marlow\'s core morals are strong, the rest is dressing. Religion doesn\'t affect your morals, your morals affect your religion. She told me I would have no idea, since I didn\'t believe. I think she is forgetting that I spent half of my life in church and in church settings.
Wow, this would be tough to deal with. I am sorry that woman said things in such a mean and inappropriate manner.
gosh, there is more I\'d like to say but the baby just woke up! My only advice, learn a little more about the religion so you can understand what your mom is learning.
Hi Jolene, I can really identify with how you are feeling as the dynamic in my family is so similar. My mother is getting more intolerant as she ages, and is turning into her own mother. I was raised in a staunchly Christian home, very similar to the Lutheran faith. I have no words of advice and can only offer empathy. I admire your rise-above-it approach and the priority you place on maintaining the relationship.