I am not sure what I am going thru but am all mixed up.
I am not sure what I am going thru but am all mixed up inside.
1. I am angry at God for not giving me a job
2. I am still mourning the loss of Smokey - the love of my life and soul mate
3. Adjusting to this new relationship with Dave and sorting out the bumps & grinds that come along with it.
It all sucks. I wish Smokey was here but he is not and will never come back. I hold Smokey in my heart. Every person has good things about them and negative things about them. Smokey was my grumpy old curmudgeon. I lovingly called him that and Smokey was okay with it and totally agreed with me. Sigh! There will never be another like my Smokey. He was one of a kind, very unique and special to me.
I am angry that I am not getting a job. I put 20 resumes out per day, which equal to 100 per week, which equal 400 per month. I am getting them out. I get the curt reply that we have received your resume and will hold it for whatever time they say. They like my qualifications but have nothing at the moment. The other reply is that I did not meet their criteria and have hired some one else. Usually, you never hear back again.
I am adjusting to this new relationship with Dave. We have a few bumps & grinds to smooth out but all in all it is going good. My Aunt Mary's 80th birthday party is coming up on Jan. 30th and Dave agreed to come with me. All my kin folk will meet my Dave. I tried to set something up to visit my younger brother Gerald on Vancouver Island but neither Gerald's nor Dave's schedule allows for it. We are trying to set something up for February or March. This is the most positive thing about Dave. The other two men in my life were not willing to visit my kin folk or my brother Gerald. So far, Dave is heads above my ex-husband and Smokey in this department.
Lisa had me babysit Tyson in December as she was going to physio. I guess it is all over now and I sure do miss babysitting Tyson. He is a good boy.
My brother Don was over for lunch yesterday. He encourages me in his own way. Don is the one with Asperger's Syndrome.
I gave my friend Carol to the end of January to decide if she wants to buy the car or not. It takes her a long time to make up her mind about anything. Most people would say yes or no right away but not Carol.
I am just rambling on. I guess I need to ramble on every once in awhile or more often. Today I am checking all my emails, doing Trivial Pursuit on Pogo, getting out my 20 resumes, meditating/praying/reading the bible and will have to do some grocery shopping. I have not much else planned. I looked around my apartment today and definitely need to do some cleaning. I just need to build my inner self up to get motivated to actually do the cleaning.
How is everyone else doing? We made it thru Christmas and New Years, yahoo! We deserve a pat on the back for making it this far. It is not easy. I find the whole thing strange. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my Christmas. It feels all new and strange for me, especially without my Smokey. I don't know if you understand me on this or not.
My birthday is coming up on January 11th. This is the year for ones for me: 01 (month), 11 (day), and 11 (year). Smokey and I always said to one another "what you do for my birthday is what I will do for your birthday." Meaning that if you don't do a thing neither will I. I said that to Dave in front of his friends Rob and Alla. He got mad at that and explained why. I sounded like I was giving him and ultimatum or threatening him. I never meant it that way. Smokey and I never thought about it that way. Does it mean we were mean and shallow people? It wasn't meant as a threat. It was meant that if you forget my birthday, the other one will be forgotten as well. It comes from my ex-husband not buying me a thing for Christmas or my birthday. I was really sensitive about it after I left my ex-husband. I don't care if anyone else forgets my birthday but it is very important to me that the man in my life does not. All these things have been weighing on my mind a lot. It's one more thing to add to the list of things weighing heavily on my mind.
I said to Dave, Alla and Rob that you seem to be more christian than I am. They have wonderful hearts and are very kind people with human weaknesses like we all have as well. They put me to shame sometimes. I am not perfect just forgiven thru Jesus Christ. We all have our own walk of faith. God takes each of us on a different path from one another. At times, I feel like a failure with regarding my faith. I am not one to be open and speak to people. My brother Don is open and talks to people about Jesus. My one cousin and her husband show their faith by doing things for other people. What's the matter with me? I am quiet about it. We should be shouting it out from the roof tops. It's why I feel like a failure regarding my faith in Jesus Christ.
I don't want to end it but in my heart I know I have rambled on long enough. I think there are more things in my heart to share with you but I will leave it for another time. These are just a few things that have been weighing heavily on my heart. I hope you take care, thanks for listening and all the best to everyone from Diane B.
1. I am angry at God for not giving me a job
2. I am still mourning the loss of Smokey - the love of my life and soul mate
3. Adjusting to this new relationship with Dave and sorting out the bumps & grinds that come along with it.
It all sucks. I wish Smokey was here but he is not and will never come back. I hold Smokey in my heart. Every person has good things about them and negative things about them. Smokey was my grumpy old curmudgeon. I lovingly called him that and Smokey was okay with it and totally agreed with me. Sigh! There will never be another like my Smokey. He was one of a kind, very unique and special to me.
I am angry that I am not getting a job. I put 20 resumes out per day, which equal to 100 per week, which equal 400 per month. I am getting them out. I get the curt reply that we have received your resume and will hold it for whatever time they say. They like my qualifications but have nothing at the moment. The other reply is that I did not meet their criteria and have hired some one else. Usually, you never hear back again.
I am adjusting to this new relationship with Dave. We have a few bumps & grinds to smooth out but all in all it is going good. My Aunt Mary's 80th birthday party is coming up on Jan. 30th and Dave agreed to come with me. All my kin folk will meet my Dave. I tried to set something up to visit my younger brother Gerald on Vancouver Island but neither Gerald's nor Dave's schedule allows for it. We are trying to set something up for February or March. This is the most positive thing about Dave. The other two men in my life were not willing to visit my kin folk or my brother Gerald. So far, Dave is heads above my ex-husband and Smokey in this department.
Lisa had me babysit Tyson in December as she was going to physio. I guess it is all over now and I sure do miss babysitting Tyson. He is a good boy.
My brother Don was over for lunch yesterday. He encourages me in his own way. Don is the one with Asperger's Syndrome.
I gave my friend Carol to the end of January to decide if she wants to buy the car or not. It takes her a long time to make up her mind about anything. Most people would say yes or no right away but not Carol.
I am just rambling on. I guess I need to ramble on every once in awhile or more often. Today I am checking all my emails, doing Trivial Pursuit on Pogo, getting out my 20 resumes, meditating/praying/reading the bible and will have to do some grocery shopping. I have not much else planned. I looked around my apartment today and definitely need to do some cleaning. I just need to build my inner self up to get motivated to actually do the cleaning.
How is everyone else doing? We made it thru Christmas and New Years, yahoo! We deserve a pat on the back for making it this far. It is not easy. I find the whole thing strange. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my Christmas. It feels all new and strange for me, especially without my Smokey. I don't know if you understand me on this or not.
My birthday is coming up on January 11th. This is the year for ones for me: 01 (month), 11 (day), and 11 (year). Smokey and I always said to one another "what you do for my birthday is what I will do for your birthday." Meaning that if you don't do a thing neither will I. I said that to Dave in front of his friends Rob and Alla. He got mad at that and explained why. I sounded like I was giving him and ultimatum or threatening him. I never meant it that way. Smokey and I never thought about it that way. Does it mean we were mean and shallow people? It wasn't meant as a threat. It was meant that if you forget my birthday, the other one will be forgotten as well. It comes from my ex-husband not buying me a thing for Christmas or my birthday. I was really sensitive about it after I left my ex-husband. I don't care if anyone else forgets my birthday but it is very important to me that the man in my life does not. All these things have been weighing on my mind a lot. It's one more thing to add to the list of things weighing heavily on my mind.
I said to Dave, Alla and Rob that you seem to be more christian than I am. They have wonderful hearts and are very kind people with human weaknesses like we all have as well. They put me to shame sometimes. I am not perfect just forgiven thru Jesus Christ. We all have our own walk of faith. God takes each of us on a different path from one another. At times, I feel like a failure with regarding my faith. I am not one to be open and speak to people. My brother Don is open and talks to people about Jesus. My one cousin and her husband show their faith by doing things for other people. What's the matter with me? I am quiet about it. We should be shouting it out from the roof tops. It's why I feel like a failure regarding my faith in Jesus Christ.
I don't want to end it but in my heart I know I have rambled on long enough. I think there are more things in my heart to share with you but I will leave it for another time. These are just a few things that have been weighing heavily on my heart. I hope you take care, thanks for listening and all the best to everyone from Diane B.
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