I am not a bad person

So, no matter how long its been since my last bet, I still get the calls from family members freaking out if they can't reach me. This weekend, I had a BBQ, house full of people, great time, watched the Chargers play and just had fun. Everyone left around 11 pm, and I was finally able to look at my cell phone. My phone was exploding with calls from my sister. Who when I called back, screamed at me and was accusing me of "going out" and when I tried to tell her, I hadn't, she didn't believe me and hung up on me. I sat in my backyard, exhausted from the day, but happy because it was such a good day, and had this instant depression wash over me after I talked with her. She then proceeded to call my daughter, who called me freaking out, I told her my company had just left, and she called one of them to make sure they had been there that late? My daughter ended up saying she was sorry, but my sister, who was gone for the weekend, she rents a room in my house, came home yesterday and when I saw her car, my heart dropped. I am a very strong minded person, I run my business, I have a strong personality, but, when I see her, I literally crumble into, OMG, she's going to give me hell. And I have to take it. I felt as though I had gone to the card room, but I HAD NOT. Not only did I not go to a card room, I was home, entertaining, I had a great time, and I was made to feel otherwise. No matter how long its been, she does this to me. I spent the day on Sunday, working a bit, shopping, and enjoying the San Diego climate, and when she came home, I felt as though my peaceful world of serenity and happiness just escaped through the back door. Here is the deal. I understand, I completely understand why friends and family will always been concerned about me, and I love them for that, but, not attack me, and accuse me of doing something that I didn't do, and insist they are right, without believing me, and calling my company to confirm they had been here, is just too much for me. I know that I earned this, I know I have to gain their trust, and its going to take years, but I felt so small, so worthless, that all of the fun I had was hampered Saturday night as I sat in my backyard, exhausted from a healthy bbq to a "your a liar." Oh, how the wreckage of my past continues to bite me in my ass. I also realized that there are some people in my life that are controlling over me, its hard to explain, but I need to breath, I need a minute, just to enjoy my recovery, and the fact that it was taken away from me, in a second, breaks my heart. NOOOOO I didn't go to card room, first of all, I have no desire, I'm in recovery and I love my new found freedom to live my life without living in my addiction, or running away from conflict. I am also banned from every card room in California. The good news is this. Although I was made to feel less than, I felt as though I was a 5 year old child, rather than a 54 year old responsible adult, I didn't run to a card room to feel better. I had to feel it, and nurture myself. Not to say that it hasn't lingered with me, it has. So, as compulsive gamblers, do we deserve to be treated less than? Do we deserve to be treated as if we are scum, liars and bad people, yelled at and belittled? NO, we do not, not by a long shot. My daughter and I talked and I asked her to please let me be, in my recovery, and although I appreciated her concern, that if I ever do go out and gamble again, its on me, and for today, I have not gone. As for my sister, that in itself is another story, I have to learn to not react to her constant belittling of me. This is what they call a rant... btw. Is this the wreckage of my past? Maybe. But, my recovery means to much to me, to allow anyone to come into my world, or my heart and crush it. I get the worry, but, a hug and a "thata girl" would mean so much more. Do the day my sweet warriors, and for the record, no matter where you are in your addiction / recover, I am very proud of you. YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON. Hugs.