I AM IN HELL!!
THESE PICTURES DEPICT SOME OF MY MOODS RIGHT NOW. I AM SO...OVER THE EDGE. IT IS ALL THANKS TO MY DISRESPECTFUL, UNAPPRECIATIVE, SELF-CENTERED DAUGHTER. AS MANY OF YOU KNOW, SHE HAS BEEN LIVING WITH US SINCE THE BEGINNING OF JANUARY. WE MADE THE FEW HOUSEHOLD RULES VERY CLEAR AND AGREED UPON THEM IE. CLEAN UP YOUR DISHES, MAKE YOUR BED, LOOK AFTER YOUR CAT. THOSE WERE THE ONLY RULES!! BUT THAT WAS ASKING TOO MUCH. SHE RARELY LOOKED AFTER HER CAT AND WOULD BE GONE FOR DAYS AT A TIME SO THE CHORE FELL TO ME. I SAID NOTHING!! I HAD TO REMIND HER TO MAKE HER BED AS IT IS IN THE LIVINGROOM FOR ANY GUESTS TO SEE. AND THE DISH ISSUE, WELL, THAT WAS A CONSTANT ISSUE. SHE HAS THE HABIT OF LEAVING MILK GLASSES AROUND AND OF COURSE YOU KNOW HOW HARD THEY ARE TO CLEAN.
ON TOP OF THIS WE HAVE BEEN SUPPORTING HER FINANCIALY AS SHE DID NOT HAVE A JOB UNTIL LAST WEEK. THIS LITTLE FINANCIAL ENDEAVOR INCLUDED PAYING FOR HER BEGINNERS, THREE TIMES, HER DRIVER'S LICENSE AND TEST, HER MEDS, HER SMOKES, A WEEKLY ALLOWANCE, HER INSURANCE AND ON AND ON. THEN WE PAID HER FIRST MONTHS RENT PLUS DAMAGE DEPOSIT. SO AS YOU CAN PROBABLY FIGURE OUT IT IS A FAIRLY HEFTY BILL. BUT WE LOVE HER AND SO WE DID IT. WAS SHE GRATEFUL....YEAH, RIGHT!!!! ON SATURDAY AROUND SUPPERTIME SHE MADE HERSELF SOMETHING TO EAT AND JUST PUT THE POTS ANS STRAINER IN THE SINK. I HAD A FRYING PAN IN THERE SOAKING. HER DAD ASKED HER TO PLEASE, DO UP THE DISHES AND DO NOT PUT THE POT IN THE DISHWASHER ( WE DO OUR POTS BY HAND). WELL, SHE RINSED OUT THE STRAINER AND LEFT IT IN THE OTHER SINK, PUT THE POT IN THE DISHWASHER AND SHE COULD NOT EVEN BOTHER TO DO THE FRYING PAN. I BIT MY TONQUE AS I FREQUENTLY DO. THEN LATER THAT NIGHT AFTER I WAS IN BED SHE USED A COOKIE SHEET AND MADE SOMETHING. SHE LEFT THIS ON THE COUNTER. HER FATHER REMINDED HER TO CLEAN UP. SHE SAID SHE WOULD AFTER IT COOLED OFF. WELL, SEVERAL HOURS LATER HE ASKED AGAIN....NO DEAL. THE NEXT MORNING AROUND 11:00 I WAS IN THE KITCHEN WITH HUBBY AND HE POINTED OUT THE PAN STILL SITTING THERE. HE ASKED ME TO SPEAK TO HER ABOUT IT. SHE OVERHEARD AND CAME STORMING INTO THE KITCHEN. SHE STARTED SCREAMING AT HER FATHER AND SAID, "I JUST GOT THE F$%^ UP. SHE THEN THREW THE PAN ACROSS THE COUNTER AND STORMED OUT. I WAS STRESSING OUT, I WENT INTO THE REC ROOM AND SAID NOTHING. WELL, SHE PACKED UP HALF OF HER STUFF AND LEFT. SHE CAME BACK SOMETIME LATER FOR A FEW MORE THINGS. BUT.....DID SHE TAKE THE CAT...NO!!!! SHE IS SUPPOSE TO MOVE INTO HER APARTMENT TODAY. SHE STILL HAS STUFF HERE AS WELL. I AM SO......PISSED OFF WITH HER LACK OF RESPECT. SHE CAN GO OFF ON ME AND I WILL COME BACK AT HER BUT WHEN SHE COMES ABOARD HER FATHER THAT IS THE FINAL STRAW. I AM DONE!!! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF SHE HAS TO PANHANDLE IN THE STREETS. SHE IS AN UNGRATEFUL BITCH. I/WE DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT. I HAVE TO CUT HER OUT OF MY LIFE BECAUSE SHE IS KEEPING ME IN THE ABYSS. I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRUEL AND MAYBE EVEN UNREASONABLE BUT I AM JUST DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SORRY IF THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLING BUT MY MIND IS IN LIMBO.
DEBBIE
Replies
Hi Debbie, I hope things settle down ( to put it mildly) for you soon. I\'ll keep you & your family in my prayers.
hugs
You know I completely understand Deb. I still have four living at home and most frequently get that same behavior from my two oldest. My therapist repeatedly says that we do it to ourselves. Our children are adults and if they cannot follow our house rules they need to get out. Why do we continue to do it to ourselves? ::::shaking head:::: I just dont understand why I continue to torture myself.
Deb, don\'t let her have control over your emotions. STOP biting your tongue and tell her how it is. Make up your mind that the cat goes with or goes to the animal shelter. Make up your mind that when she walks out that door and into her apartment, you are no longer and will no longer be financially responsible for her support. If she fails to pay her rent, she is on her own.
I do know how difficult it is but our pain is our own doing. They cannot do what we dont allow them to. We keep our mouths shut too often to avoid conflict and they KNOW that is what we will do.
Ugh, thinking of you, praying for you, and holding you in my heart sweetie.........xo
Keep the cat and send the daughter on her way, she needs to pay the penalty of wising off, not the cat. The cat is stuck, too. Poor little thing.
Kids keep dishing it out as long as you are both willing to take it, fyi. She is an adult it\'s time she act like one. You have already done too much for her. I know she is your daughter but she needs to learn the hard way, I guess. Some do.
Love you, and remember this: she cannot get you upset if YOU don\'t let her. And as for your husband, why can\'t he deal with her mouth? She is his daughter, too. You shouldn\'t be the buffer between them....
OK, now I will mind my own business....
Susanne
Honey I am so sorry about the problems your having with your daughter. As you know mine has also moved back home and there are times she drives me totaly nuts BUT she does do a lot to help, sometimes I have to nag a bit but that is more because she is ADD, has to many things going on at once, is stressed to the point of making me worry about her health AND now she is a \"mama\".
The thing wiht our kids is they will treat us exactly as we let them treat us, no better or worse. That is a hard pill to swallow and I know with your depression it has been easier to bite it and not get engaged in the conflict with her and she has taken full advantage of that. It\'s never going to stop unless you stop being her door mat, that would really freak her out but it would probably do a world of good for you.
The biggest difference between you and I is I do not swallow the bullshit behavior. I am very willing to chew off a big chunck of her butt and let her know when I think she is being stupid or inconsiderate (it really scares the hell out of her boyfriend when we are made at each other since either one of us scares the hell out of him anyway, lol).
I\'ve found this last trip home though that Winter is suddenly a lot more thoughtful and willing to help, now that she has a kid to take care of and sees all the work it takes. There are times she gets a very startled look on her face and will say something like, \"oh shit, I\'m becoming my mother\".