I am figuring why I find Smokey's death so hard

I am beginning to realize why Ii am finding Smokey's death so very hard.  It was that I was not really accepting it and probably was trying to deny it in my heart.  Alas, reality bites.  The reality it hitting me hard and now I have to accept Smokey's death.  I keep looking around the apartment and it all reminds me of Smokey.  I look at the dining room chair where he sat and I cry.  I look at the door where he came at 3:30 p.m. and I cry.  I look at the pillow beside me where I sleep and I cry.  The whole apartment reminds me of all the love we shared together as a team.  it was great, beautiful and deep.  We loved each other so very much.  It all hurts but I have to accept it and heal.  I want to heal and move on with my life.  I want to fall in love again.  I figure 3rd time must be the charm.  I was divorced once and so was Smokey then we found one another and just fell into each other's arms. It was great.